From the Archive | EXOVelvet

Folder 5: How light seeps in (Seulgi/Chanyeol)

Inspired by I Quit Drinking - Kelsea Ballerini, LANY

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Light seeps into the space between the thick, blackout curtains in Seulgi's studio, its warmth hitting her face stirring her awake. She keeps her eyes closed, savoring the peace she didn't know she would wake up to again, and finds the sound of traffic muffled by the thick walls of her building oddly comforting. It's the city's heartbeats telling her that she's alive.

She is about to open her eyes when she hears her door creak ajar followed by light footsteps. She doesn't need to see to know who it is.

"Seul?" Chanyeol asks in a soft voice at the foot of her bed. Seulgi hums and shifts her lower body the slightest to let him know that she's still alive.

Even with her eyes shut, Seulgi knows that Chanyeol gives her a small smile. Then, she hears the faint rustle of a plastic bag being opened on her dining table, the smell of rice porridge topped with fried garlic wafting in the air, before Chanyeol begins to pick up empty cans of beer on her floor from last night.

Seulgi stills.

Last night, her thoughts got the better of her. It's easy to give in to them when you live alone. She lay on the cold floor half-drunk, staring at the ceiling, empty cans of beer consumed with an empty stomach surrounding her. There's no doubt that her room is still a mess like she was. Or is. But then, Seulgi prefers this—late-night, occasionally overwhelming visits of self-doubt—than living with her family.

Seulgi lets out an audible sigh before sitting up and finally opening her eyes, the room spinning slightly. She accidentally makes eye contact with Chanyeol when he glances at her, and she gives him an apologetic smile.

"I've got you," Chanyeol mouths, knowing that Seulgi would feel too embarrassed to actually hear it. He finishes up quickly and then sits beside Seulgi, letting her put her head on his shoulder. His cheek brushes against her hair, a silent apology for not being with her last night.

Seulgi knows that Chanyeol always got her, though, although he couldn't be with her every time her nights get terrifyingly dark. People would say not to put all of your hopes in one person, but her boyfriend has been a constant beacon of light.

They met late in college when parties filled the void in her heart and the silence that surrounded her. While Seulgi drank away her sadness, there was Chanyeol who brought life to every party. He was loud but Seulgi didn't care about it as long as she got her drinks. That was until he started pestering her, asking her why there was always a cloud of smoke around her, and why there was a storm cloud above her head, too.

She ignored him the first few times. There was no point trying to explain her life to a complete stranger. But when Chanyeol found her at her lowest at the bar's parking lot one night and listened to her talk about her problems until sun up, Seulgi decided that maybe he wasn't all that bad. Soon, the loud guy at the bar was the quickest to sit beside her whenever darkness crept in and was the only one who knew how to bring her back to the light.

But how Chanyeol saw love in her, Seulgi doesn't know. Perhaps the light he shone was so strong that he saw the good from deep inside of her. He was patient and understanding with her when all Seulgi believed was that she isn't and will never be worth anything, when she was too fixated on the idea that she was undeserving of good things, of love. It led Seulgi to decide to give their relationship a shot, a decision she hasn't once regretted.

Because where else would she find a guy who quit drinking with her even if he's always just drunk happy, who now plays music at parties every weekend without having a single drop of alcohol? The way he endures with her makes her endure it, too.

Seulgi looks at the trash can now filled with empty cans of beer, shame washing across her features. "I'm sorry," she says in a whisper.

Ever the understanding one and with endless patience, Chanyeol shakes his head and places a soft kiss on top of Seulgi's head. "You're doing great, still."

Seulgi lifts her head from Chanyeol's shoulder and looks at him gratefully, adoringly. She becomes aware of her action only when Chanyeol mirrors her fond gaze. "A penny for your thoughts?"

What Seulgi says next just comes to her and she instinctively articulates it. "I love you."

Chanyeol doesn't hear Seulgi say this often, as it wasn't easy for her to talk about her feelings or love, but he's always happy to hear it. His lips break into a smile.

And I am so grateful for your light.