Sometimes the worst people have the best of luck.
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"Jerry, shut up," Siri shouted from the bathroom. "I am every man's dream. Pretty, shallow, and hard to get."
- "You would be no dream of mine," Jerry shouted back.
"I would so be your type," Siri said smugly. "You sure you're still gay?"
- "More than ever."
"It's a world record, ya know?" Siri smiled. "Three years and going. I'm honestly surprised you haven't at least turned bi."
"Can you just shut up for one minute?" Jerry sighed. He walked into the bathroom and grabbed her mascara out of her hands. "Gimme that. Ben is going to be at the party."
"What!" Siri exclaimed. "Jer, why didn't you say so? BEN?"
Jerry looked away. He tried to keep a neutral face, but his mouth curled up into a half-smile.
Siri took a deep breath while she let the importance of the situation condense. Her father, a mountain climber, had always taught her to breathe before acting. She took it to heart - only rarely - but Jerry said even that shimmer of patience was more than anyone had hoped for.
"So we're not going as a couple this time?" she asked.
- "No, no, we are," Jerry grinned maliciously. "We are going to tempt him. We are going to make him groan and pine and yearn for me."
She gave him a confused look while opening her lipstick. "By going as a couple?"
- "We are executing my most revolutionary tactic as of yet," Jerry said. "No human queer can resist this."
"Tell me," Siri said, without looking at him. The more revolutionary Jerry's tactics were, the more often they resulted in total disaster.
