"Hey Nicole!"
I turned around when I heard my name but regretted it as soon as I saw who was calling me. The curly haired boy hurried over to me and held my books closer to my chest, wishing I could disappear.
"What do you want?" I spat, not trying to hold back the harshness in my voice.
"Can I ask you something?" he said, out of breath. I nodded my head but looked the other direction as if I had somewhere to be.
"Are you happy?"
"Yes Harry I am perfectly happy. Now if you could leave me alone, I ha-"
"Wait." I felt a firm grip on my arm and I jerked it back.
"What?" I asked, meaner this time.
"It's just that, I heard that you and Zayn, you know, and I wanted to make sure you know what you're doing. That's all."
I felt my blood getting warm beneath my skin and I raised my hand to slap him. I clenched my fist in frustration, knowing that hitting him wouldn't change him. It hadn't worked before, it wouldn't work now.
"That's none of your business," I seethed through gritted teeth.
How did he even know? I hadn't told anyone and Zayn hated pretty much everyone so he didn't have anyone to tell either.
"Okay, I just wanted to make sure everything's fine."
"Why do you act so damn innocent Harry? You're not! And I don't need you protecting me from Zayn. I don't know if you remember but he actually saved me from you. Who do you think you are?" I didn't feel bad in the least for yelling at him in front of everyone in the hallway. Harry was being a child and he needed to wake up.
"Because I still love you Nicole."
For a moment I was flattered and then I remembered who I was talking to.
"Please, you don't even know what love is?"
"And you do?"
"God Harry, you're like a girl. Always making more drama. Just leave me alone!"
Harry, in one swift movement, pulled me in and planted a kiss right on my mouth. It was a kiss I knew only Harry could give, soft and slow, but real.
What am I doing? I thought pushing him off of me.
"Uh, Nicole, are you alright?" I heard someone ask behind me. I spun around to see my boyfriend, with a genuine look of concern on his face.
"I'm handling things just fine! I don't need you two to be there for me all the time! I can take care of myself!"
Our little trio had captured the attention of all the bystanders now. I wanted to run and hide but there was no escaping this. If I was going to prove that I was strong, I was going to have to deal with this on my own.
I shoved some kids out of the way and the rest of them made a clear path for me to storm through.
"Hmm, Nicole, feisty," someone said in a disgustingly teasing way. I held up my middle finger high and proud.
"Kill yourself!" I shouted in the direction of the speaker, even laughing at myself and my growing awareness of my insanity.
What was happening to me? This wasn't even real life anymore. As I exited the school, walking straight to my house and forgetting that I was in the middle of a school day.
Zayn didn't follow me and neither did Harry so I was grateful for at least that.
By the time I got to my doorstep though, I was a mess. This had not been an easy school year for me and as the summer months approached I couldn't be happier for it's close. Just as things had started to get better things had to take a turn for the worse. Like always.
Now I just felt alone. Why did I have to push people away? I sat down on my porch and held my face in my hands. This feeling was indescribable.
Like when you're listening to your favorite song and for the first time you actually pay attention to the lyrics. Your eyes burn from the tears and you keep your sniffles quiet because you don't want anyone to hear you. You feel pain deep in your heart that you didn't know was there before. And that was how I felt. I clutched my chest and sobbed.
I wanted Zayn to come after me, like how I wanted Harry to come after me what seemed like so long ago.
More than anything I wanted to be loved. Zayn and I said we loved each other. Was it really love? The thing that scared me was that I wasn't sure. They say when you touch your soulmate, you'll know straight away. You'll get a feeling like a shock of lighting when they hold your hand. Was it just a myth? How was I supposed to know?
Then I realized that if I truly did love him, I wouldn't have to question myself. Who even said that we were going to grow old together anyways?
It still hurt to know that I was nothing more than his high school flame. Of course I would never tell Zayn that though. Not now anyways.
------
After my awakening, things were different. When Zayn held me in his eyes affectionately, I stared off in the distance . When he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my lips, I wasn't really there. When he whispered those three little words, I said them under my breath reluctantly. And he would smile and I would smile back and we would both pretend everything was okay.
