The two boys looked at me impatiently as my mind raked for a decision. Zayn. No. Harry? No. I wished I could be with both of them, despite all the wrong that Harry had done.
Zayn's big brown eyes doubled in size as I opened my mouth to speak.
Harry ran his fingers through his head of curls and held his breath.
Nope this was too hard. I couldn't just choose one of them like this. It would've been unfair to do it this way, like choosing your favorite child.
"Get out of my house." I didn't say it harshly. It was intended to be a gentle command, which consequently they both obeyed.
Zayn stood up and walked out, but not before kissing my forehead and telling me to feel better soon. Harry followed suit but as he closed the front door behind him he shot me a hurt look that tore me apart inside.
The truth was that I already knew who it was inside my head. And it was as if Harry knew as well. Harry had been the first one to accept me as I was, to look out for me, and protect me. Zayn had treated me like trash since the first day that we met, until the accident that was a result of Harry's anger. Both of them had caused me grief. So naturally, I loved them both the same. But it was Zayn. I knew that in my heart it was Zayn from the start and I couldn't deny that.
I just dreaded seeing Harry's face when he realized that I couldn't be with him anymore. That we couldn't hang out and I wouldn't be able to take care of him like I had, because we both knew that it would only end up with me being unfaithful to Zayn.
I couldn't hold back the tears anymore and I rolled over on the floor onto my stomach, my face buried in the carpet where the smell of Harry's cologne lingered.
The Last Day Of Freshman Year
Zayn had his arm around my shoulder and I smiled as we stared at the clock together. I could feel Harry's eyes on me and I forced myself to keep from turning around.
Harry hadn't taken the news well, and ever since then he had been sulking around.
But today was the last day of freshman year. We had made it. We had all survived. And I was too happy for anyone to bring me down.
I knew how it felt to be lonely and even though Harry was surrounded by people who were his friends, I could tell that he still felt like he had no one.
I gestured for him to join us, wanting this day to be perfect.
"Come on Harry," I said laughing. His face lit up a little and I took his hand in mine.
Zayn gave me a look of disapproval which I ignored. Harry squeezed my hand.
We were down to ten seconds now. We felt unstoppable.
"Ten, nine, eight," we counted in sync.
We all exhanged giddy looks and even Harry and Zayn put aside their differences for awhile to enjoy the moment. I think they did it for my sake. I think they liked to see me happy like this.
"Seven, six, five, four."
Our voices got higher pitched as the numbers descended and I had started to hop up and down.
"Three, two, one!"
We burst out of the school doors, followed by the hundreds of other kids at the school. Seniors were hugging each other and crying. I saw Tess and her new boyfriend Louis cheering and making out in front of their friends.
I let go of Harry's hand and slipped out from under Zayn's arm to run over and congratulate my sister for making it through all of highschool.
As I looked all around me, surrounded by all those people I felt something new inside of me. They were screaming, laughing heartily together, kissing, crying, and just living out their youth. It was a beautiful sight. And I began to cry too because someday this would all be just a memory. I closed my fists, grasping on to whatever this feeling was, trying my hardest to keep it in my heart so that I would never forget what it was like to be young. This would be someday be reduced to mere pictures in a scapbook. But now we were here, together, and I felt alive.
Zayn had found me, standing by myself, but I was never really alone anymore. He nodded at Harry who waved and flashed me his marvelous dimples.
"Let's go," Zayn said, dangling car keys in front of me. I giggled, aware that he didn't have a liscense yet and that he had in fact stolen the keys to his mother's red jeep. But it didn't really matter.
We hopped into the car and turned the radio up to a deafening volume. Zayn floored the pedal and we sped off down the road, finally getting out of that place. We would have to come back the next year and sit through boring lectures and try to digest the odd concoctions made by the cafeteria ladies. But for now we were free.
I didn't bother to ask where we were going, we were just going. I threw my hands up into the air, my hair whipping around my face. I smiled at the sunshine and at Zayn and at all the people in their cars looking at us speeding and saying, "Those hooligans," and "I hate teenagers."
And I shouted a scream of joy and cried tears of happiness because I finally knew what love felt like.
