𝐒𝐭𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 ♧ SeungJin

XX

"He was contemplation and enthusiasm. Ambition and strong coffee. I could have looked at him forever."
E. Lockhart : We Were Liars

♤♡◇♧

My eyes were still a little bit puffy when I stepped into Hyunjin's car. It was a nice car, one that you'd see a privileged teenager with, and I guess that's what he is. That's what I am. That's what we are. Privileged teenagers that just made a huge, drunken mistake that neither of us with forget, well, I won't.

He guided me out of the house so that no one saw me, none of his friends that is. Maybe he's ashamed of me—if I was him, I would be ashamed. Hooking up with someone that bullies your friends is kind of a dick move, but who am I to talk I guess.

It's embarrassing that I cried, and more embarrassing that Hyunjin watched me cry. I thought he would say something about it but he didn't, so maybe driving me home was his way to make me feel better, though I'm not sure why he would even care. It's even more humiliating that Jisung saw me though; half naked, bed head, hickies galore and wrapped up in Hyunjins bed sheets. Pathetic.

"Thanks for driving me." I say as he pulls onto the main road. I figure I should say something like that, to show gratitude. He only nods his head and makes a small humming noise.

A few moment pass before he says any words, but those few moment are the most painful ever. "I guess you know I like men now." I guess I do, it's not entirely strange to me though. When he kissed me I was kind of shocked, I remember that, but it was so confident that I assume he was an experienced gay. I nod. "Could you do me a favor though? Don't go around telling everyone, I don't feel like dealing with that."

"Why would I? I don't want people knowing either." I tap my finger tips against my thigh, feeling nervous. He's closeted. I'm closeted. We're closeted.

"You're not out I take it." His fingers glide over the steering wheel as he turns the car. I guess he knows where I live.

"Neither are you."

"No, people just don't know yet."

"Same thing."

He smiles slightly, amused by this for some reason. "There's a difference between being closeted and people not knowing. You're  closeted because you're trying to keep it from people, I just haven't told them yet."

I look out the passenger side window, away from his stupid pretty face. "Why did you do it."

"Hm?"

"Sleep with me. You're the one who came on to me.. why?" It's a real question. I don't understand why he tried to sleep with me in the first place. Didn't he hate me?

He shrugs, he shrugs like he doesn't care and it bothers me. Shouldn't he care about this? I care. "I was drunk and you were drunk and I was horny and you looked really good to me. That I problem?"

"I.." Oh.. "I looked good? You thought I looked good?" My face felt hot.

He smiles like this is funny to him, again. I hate when he smiles like that, it makes me feel stupid. "Sure I did. You thought I looked good, you said I looked pretty actually. That you wished you were that pretty."

I remember when I said that. Pathetic of me to say, really, but I was drunk so it's not like I was going to control what I was saying. "Word vomit." I say shortly.

"Really? You seemed pretty genuine to me." I don't answer and the mood in the car shifts. "Listen, this doesn't mean I don't hate you anymore. You still annoy the crap out of me—also our parents can't find out about this."

"Are you not out to them?" I ask.

"Of course I am. I just don't want things to get awkward, or for this to change anything about the business deal. Are you out to your parents?"

I nod my head silently. I came out to my parents a while back, actually. Middle school I think. Took my dad a few weeks to fully accept it, but my mom was completely fine; said she already knew. "Can I ask a question?"

I see Hyunjins eyes glance to me for a brief moment, "Uhm.. okay."

I swallow. "Did you.. enjoy last night?"

He gives me a strange steady look for a few seconds before his mouth opens to speak, "Yeah, it was fucking good sex." He said it so calmly it made me angry. He should be more effected by this. "Why? Did you not like it?"

"No, no," I found myself blurting out, "I loved it, you were—you were great.." I feel a hot blush creep up my neck. God, why am I so awkward like that. He smiles with the same amused look on his face. He's laughing at me, again.

"Ah, yeah?" I could hear the smirk in his voice, "What part was so great?"

My heart rate was picking up. I thought about it. Maybe how he gripped onto my waist so tightly as he thrusted, or the things he whispered in my ears. I shrug, "I don't know.."

I can hear him chuckle while I look away from him. I don't particularly like being made fun of like this.. "You don't know.." he scoffs.

I turn my head back to him for a moment, "What? I'm serious, I really don't. All of it was.. fine." I watch as we pull into my neighborhood and my house comes into view. I can't wait to get out of this car.

"Make sure to hide those hickies." I hear Hyunjin say as I open my passenger side door to leave.

I throw him a glance, too shy to say much. "Right. Thanks for the lift."