𝐒𝐭𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 ♧ SeungJin

XXII

"She is sugar, curiosity, and rain."
E. Lockhart : We Were Liars

♤♡◇♧

When I got through my front door, finally, my house was empty, or at least I thought. I had time to decompress. The more I was able to relax, the more I noticed how stingy I felt. I was probably covered in dried up sweat and dirt from last night. I needed a shower, or a bath — desperately.

When I passed through the kitchen I was stopped by a presence standing at the island. "Seungmin, you're home." My moms voice said. Oh God if she new what I had gotten up to. "I didn't think you'd end up staying all night, how'd it go? Was it as bad as you thought?"

I turned to face her, opening my mouth to speak, but she slapped a hand over her jaw which was now on the ground, "Oh my god—" she looked like she had seen a ghost. I panicked, did I look that bad? "You're neck is covered in hickies — did you—"

I didn't waste a moment to cut her off, waving my hand in the air, "Don't say it, I know." I forgot about those dark bruises. "I don't want to get into it right now. It's.. complicated."

"We have to talk about them Seungmin. Who gave them to you? Was he nice? Did he treat you well? Someone wasn't taking advantage of you while you were drunk, right—" I sighed. She continued to ramble for a moment, and I only answered once she was completely quiet.

"It was just some guy. He hit on my and I though 'why not?'. He treated me fine and we were both drunk so.. my decision making abilities were impaired." I watched the tension release from her body when she knew I was okay with what had happened. Was I okay with it? I actually don't know.

"Well, what was his name? Tell me about him." She leaned her elbows on the counter, ready for me to spill the tea.

I shook my head, shrugging, "I can't really remember him. I got.. really drunk."

She narrowed her eyes at me, "How drunk? You know you aren't supposed to get so drunk you forget the name of someone you had sex with."

My cheeks lit up a bit. That was a rule she had made, well, not so specific, but in general. I was only really allowed to get a little bit drunk to have some teenage fun.. not so drunk I forget people like that. But I hadn't actually forgot him, because he didn't exist. I remember Hyunjin and every detail of last night perfectly fine—too perfectly fine.

"Uhm.." I trailed off, taking a few steps out of the room, "Not important. I'm gonna go have a bubble bath, I'll talk to you later." With that I bolted on up the stairs, ignoring the pain in my lower back. I didn't want to stick around for her to ask too many questions.

Once in my room I grabbed a clean change of clothes, some comfy shorts and a sweater, and went to go run the bath. I filled the tub most of the way, adding bubbles and a bath bomb—pink. It looked relaxing, just as I needed it to be.

As I sunk down into the tub I let my mind relax for a moment, only for it to fill with a new batch of thoughts. Can I ever have a moment of peace and quiet? I doubt it.

I thought about Hyunjin and how he had treated me semi nicely, with him driving me home and all. Maybe having sex with him was the key to getting him to like me.. or maybe he just felt bad that I had started crying.

Truth be told, I have no idea why I burst into tears like that. Maybe out of embarrassment that Hyunjin had seen me naked and been inside me and then Jisung popped in and saw me there.. I lost all of my dignity last night.

I might have been crying that I accidentally stayed over night when I was supposed to go home the night before, but probably not. More likely I cried because I felt so dirty and stuff. Sex makes me emotional like that, it just does.

Whenever I have sex I need cuddles afterwards. Some people call it aftercare. I need that sort of thing because it's hard on my mind to hook up, especially a one night stand. That is what that was, a one night stand.

I'm scared to see Hyunjin at school tomorrow. It's gonna be so, so weird. What if he's telling people? No, no he probably won't, considering how he treated Jisung finding out. It's kind of a relief to know that, but I wouldn't expect less from him.

He knows I'm not out of the closet, so him telling people we hooked up would be a huge violation of privacy. We'd have a real issue if that happened, but I'm not sure how I'd handle that. I probably wouldnt've to be honest. It's not going to happen though so I don't know why I'm freaking myself out over it.

I sink down a little farther into the bubbles, watching my knees pop up through the bubbles. I couldn't help but notice two new bruises forming on each one. Blush rose on my cheeks, rembering the story of how they got there.. I looked away from them staring at the ceiling instead. I remembered how last night when I looked up I saw Hyunjin instead of the ceiling.. holding me so gently.

I whined to myself, squirming around a bit, trying to rid myself of the memories. Whenever I do anything it reminds me of last night.. last night, last night.

Now all I can remember is last night.