The Big Reveal

Chapter 69 | Void

I open the door and wave at Yoongi, who's standing in the elevator. As soon as he disappears, I desperately dash into the house. No matter how far I go, home is home. I walk, feebly towards the lounge and dad appears in sight, before I could enter the lounge.

"Hana," he says, touching his palm on my face. "Are you okay now?"

"Now?" I ask in curiosity, despite not wanting to talk to him. I wasn't this sick when I left.

"I visited Namjoon's apartment this morning." My eyes open in surprise. "I wanted to take you, but he told me that you strictly told him to tell anyone about you. So, I left."

Namjoon never told me about this, but I am glad he didn't ruin my mood too. I walk past him and pour a glass of water. The medicines are in my hand and I drink them down. He walks closer and touches my forehead.

"You are still having a fever, Hana." I don't look at him but finish the water. I keep my glass down and turn to see him standing with his back on me. As he noticed that I was looking at him, he bowed down a bit.

"Get on my back. I'll give you a ride to your room."

It was always a habit. He used to drop me in my room every single day, before sleep. No matter if I am sad, happy, or sleeping, he used to offer his piggy ride and it always fixed my mood. And now, I have grown up, but he knows how he can fix my mood. My eyes get teary and I run back to the hallway, and then to my room. The room is dark and I close the door to block the slight patch of light as well. My head is now leaning on the door and I am crying.

How can I hate him? How can I do this? Though I am very angry at how he hid everything from me, at the same time, I know why he did it; for my well-being. If I'd known about all of this, I wouldn't be this strong today. The truth would have shattered me like it is doing now. I am glad I have gone through so much in my past that my heart is strong enough to handle this, though not really. I take off the coat and it falls to the ground. The room is pitch black and I just find a way to my bed, clumsily hitting it and falling on it abruptly. I missed it.

The things kept on opening onto me and I tried to keep adjusting through one and then another. I wonder how stupid I have been. I never thought about things, relations, or even had a little curiosity to dive into those things. I never thought about mom's accident, because it only brings back so many weird memories, and of course, I hate them. And now, one of the people whose presence felt like home has associated herself with this in the worst way possible. And nevertheless, the love of my life is going away. His absence from around me is killing me. I miss him; I miss him in every way, in everything. 

But, no. I can take over this. 

I will learn to live without him. My fear is becoming true; I am so used to him now that the thought makes me sick. If he did love me a bit, he would have blindly believed me. He would have stopped me and listened to me. He could have done so much more than that. But, I don't complain. I won't even complain even if he remains in the dark for years. I was his light; I was bringing him out of the shadow, but he never wanted to come out. So, let it be that way. The light has gone and he is going to remain in dark forever. I hate saying this, but this is it. This is the end, a blind end.

*******************

I woke up yet again, but it felt like it hadn't been long. I turned around and saw dad sitting beside me on the bed.

"Get up, eat something." I peek at the tray placed on the side table. My appetite has died, and the soup is still in my stomach from this morning.

"I don't want to."

"Hana, get up and eat. Don't let out your grudge on food. You have shrunken in a day." I could feel my numb, swollen eyes without touching. So, I struggle and sit. Though I don't want to eat, I won't like seeing dad's sad face too.

He places the tray on my thighs and I start with the boiled rice.

"Namjoon told me you should have a checkup. So I have booked an appointment at Dong Woo's tonight."

I nod and sip the warm soup. He's really good at cooking; better than me.

"Are you mad at me?" He asks, politely, but I don't reply.

"Alright, I won't force things onto you. It was my mistake-"

"Let's not talk about it now, dad," I say, before taking a spoonful of rice. He nods, sincerely.

The phone's buzz filled the silent room. I picked it up to find a random promotional notification from an app. It has been a whole day since I have seen my phone. I slide down the notification and there are just a few of dad's missed calls from last night. I scroll again and again to find something I am looking for; a text message or a missed call from Jungkook. There's none. I knew that, but didn't want to believe it. I lock the mobile and throw it on the bed beside me. Dad has been watching me all the time. Suddenly, he stands up and walks to the wall that I just noticed. I don't want it here anymore. I hate it.

But, dad stands still with his hands bound backward, gazing intently at the wall; as if he is seeing Jungkook for the first time.

"He didn't believe you, right?" The spoon was stuck in my mouth as soon as I heard him.

"He didn't." He said again when I said nothing.

I ignored his face appearing in front of him, his small gestures, his smile, his touch, everything.

"I'll make him believe." I jerked my face up to see him and I shouted, instantly.

"No. You'll not."

Dad walks back and sits in his old place, and studies me.

"I know I shouldn't say this, but why are you the only one hurting?" I look at him. "I knew the day you'll come to know about all this, he would too. And you both will be even; standing at the same place."

I look down at the empty bowl of rice now.

"I told him what I had to. If he loved me, he would've believed me for the first time. You know, I hate giving chances."

I place the tray on the side table again.

"It's on his mother now. I don't care if she keeps him in the dark forever or tells him the truth. My bond has ended with him and his mother."

Dad brings his hand closer to grip mine, but I pick it.

"I am alone in this world. I came alone and I will go alone." I said what I wanted to and lay on the bed, turning my side opposite dad. He doesn't say anything for a long time, and picks up the tray and rushes out of the room.

I hate myself. I am a loser. I hurt everyone. I am hurt by everyone.