LADY AOKI || JUJUTSU KAISEN

四十一

Anzu was burning. 

Well, she felt as though she were, with the fullness of the daylight sun beating down on her exposed face. For a while, she simply stood in place, basking beneath the rays as her pale skin drank in the light with a vigorous hunger. 

For the first time in over a hundred years, she felt warmth. 

For the first time in over a hundred years, she realized how lucky regular people were to be able to have these moments as an everyday occurrence in their lives. To feel warmth, to laugh and smile without a care in the world, it was something she hadn't had the privilege of until she was free of her bonds. 

Then guilt flooded her body and her gaze fell to her feet as she now burned with shame. Thinking of Lady as a burden, it was awful of her to do so, and yet, she couldn't help but empathize with the curse's sorrow. Not being able to feel sunlight, to be forced to dwell in the cold shadows for hundreds of years, it was no wonder her bitterness festered.

I'll remember this feeling, Lady, and I'll be sure to share it with you when the both of us are safe once more.

"Bonito flakes."  

A rice ball was thrust into her line of view, and she blinked to see Inumaki's warm violet gaze smiling back at her as he offered her the food. 

"Thanks." Anzu bit into it hungrily as they and Naoko sat at the lake's edge to indulge in a bit of small talk and breakfast. 

Miyazaki Naoko, the special grade shaman who'd temporarily filled in the role that lay vacant in Lady's absence. He really didn't look as powerful as he claimed to be, well at least compared to Gojo or Yuta. 

"Satoru's a good teacher." He smiled to himself as he spoke, and his gray eyes shone with fondness for the white-haired man. "But he was a massive prick when we were teens. You could just ask Yaga about it, but I don't think I was any better."

"Miya," Anzu's gaze dropped alongside her smile. "I have a question."

Naoko, ever perceptive, likely already knew what she was going to say, and for a second he wanted to shut her down before her mouth could open, but held himself back and nodded for her to proceed. 

"Where were you when the Shibuya massacre happened?"

Now, as rhetorical as the question appeared, he still struggled to find an answer she would be happy with. Naoko recognized the look in her eyes, the empty, void-like gaze filled with a deep sadness and maybe even a shade of bitterness. He set down the arrow he was sharpening and swallowed his pride. 

"I was- to put it as plainly as possible- an awful person when I was a student. A horrible person. A selfish asshole. I grew up being taught to run from fights I knew I couldn't win. I lived for the sake of it, and I was willing to put anyone else in my place if it meant I could see another miserable day." He admitted quietly. "I wanted to be there, I really did. But honestly, I had no idea what was happening until a few days ago, when it was too late. With what was left that I could do, I had to send my only family somewhere safe, make sure they got on their flight, and I was supposed to join them last night if it weren't for the fact that Yaga called me in."

"So you're running again?" Anzu didn't mean for her words to come out so harshly and accusing, but she couldn't help it. Even Inumaki's eyes narrowed upon hearing him. 

However, Naoko didn't even flinch under their glares. He looked calm, collected, even a little resigned. 

"I know who Kenjaku is, what he can do." He stared at his steady hands. "Believe me, I'm not running because I'm a coward. I'm not that kind of person anymore, but for the rest of you, I have to remove myself from the equation, or your loss is guaranteed. Sometimes, being the strongest doesn't always imply standing at the forefront and trying to balance everything on your plate. Sometimes, it's being able to stand back and trust that the people around you know what they're doing. One of the biggest flaws in our world is how power-reliant it is. Satoru is the most powerful shaman alive, but he's still just one guy. His technique has flaws, he has flaws, and at the end of the day, he's just another human being like you guys. He can die, and he can make mistakes. You can't lean everything on him."