youthful dreams of healing wounds

Ayaka

Some of this fic is kind of emo but whateverr

....

In a field of flowers outside the funeral venue, honey-like eyes met icy blue ones, still frozen in time from events of the past.

The moment doesn't last long before Ayaka began sobbing into the other girl's shoulder again, her small frame wracked from her cries as she left dotted stains on Yoimiya's clothes.

But she didn't seem to mind. Not at all. She continued to hold her with the same gentle embrace, her essence radiated nothing but warmth and kindness.

"I'm so sorry Ayaka..." She whispered. It's one of the very few times where her voice wasn't raised into a loud exclaimed cheer or laugh.

"But you still have me, Ayato and Thoma and everyone else. And I promise I'll never leave your side. Ever."

Ayaka rubbed her eyes, re-meeting her gaze. "Really?" She didn't want to fall victim to another unfulfilled promise. Not after this...

Replying to her question, Yoimiya nodded with utmost certainty. "I promise. Everything's going to be okay."

Yoimiya held out her pinky finger and with newfound hope in her heart, Ayaka interlocked them together.

Looking back at it now..she only wishes she wasn't stupid enough to believe her.

With a hitch of her breath, Ayaka wakes up.

She glances down at her hands and tightens them into a fist before uncurling them.

Oh. I'm still here.

...

It's the first thought that pops into Ayaka's head the minute she wakes up. The same thing as yesterday and the day before and so forth. And every time the results are the same. She wakes up alive and well. Just as she always has.

Or at least as well as you can be when you wish you weren't here anymore.

It's not that Ayaka wanted to die, although her brother and aunt would say otherwise.

But she didn't. It was selfish. Especially when such a handful of people had never even been given the option of living, to begin with.

She just thinks that things would be better if she could fall into a deep slumber and never wake up from her neverending dream of nothingness.

It's similar to being dead except you don't have to leave everyone with the aftereffect of grieving over you because technically you're still alive.

Ayaka from a year ago didn't think anything of these reoccurring thoughts and stupidly mentioned it out loud when her aunt had asked her what was wrong.

Definitely one of the biggest mistakes of her life.

Since then everyone has been acting like she's some walking charity case.

So much that now she has to start attending some random group therapy thing. It was a program the clinic she had previously gone to a while back for antidepressants was holding.