Trigger warning
Content may be disturbing to some readers
Please proceed with caution if your unable to read it scroll to the bottom
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"At the age of 12, a boy spread a rumour about me, a silly stupid rumour, saying I sent naked pictures to him... he printed these apparent photos and placed them all around my high-school. The headteacher found one of these pictures and called my parents. My mum was a mess and my dad was disappointed in me. We moved houses, we went somewhere away from that place. I was 12. When I first moved houses and the first traumatic experience happened. It took me months to convince my mum and dad that them pictures were not me. It wasn't an exposed exposed picture. It was a picture of a left breast, half in view half not. My mother checked that exact spot and saw I did not have the beauty mark that the other person had" I began refusing to look in his eyes.
"Carry on Hazel" Mr Cunning's spoke softly.
"You don't mind if I swear do you?" I asked just incase any curse word came flying out of my mouth.
"No I don't, carry on" he said with the same soft voice.
Taking a deep breath I looked back at my hands.
"At the age of 13, my dad cheated on my mum, with a female teacher at my new school. At this point it was obvious he didn't care for us so he disappeared I hadn't seen him since,
apart from one day in November. I was calling at the shop to get some chocolate and popcorn for mine and my mums movie night. And as I left I saw a homeless person sat on the curb. Me being me I went up to him. I tapped his shoulder and his head spun to face me, it was my dad, I hadn't seen him for exactly 8 months. He said 'Hazel? Is that you?' And I replied with a glare and a simple yes. He attempted to get up and hug me but before I could move away a man in his early thirties I think beat me to it and beat the shit out of him. My dad died of his injuries.
The man didn't get put in prison because he used the excuse of 'he was molesting me' he wasn't, it was my dad just trying to give me a hug. I was broken after that, I turned to self-harm just to allow the pain to go away for a while. It worked. Until a girl at my school saw them on my arms. It was a hot day the day before we broke up for summer, and I completely forgot about my scars and I took my jumper of. This girl saw it, screamed and lots of fucking people turned up, they all laughed, some were horrified, others took pictures.
The headteacher told my mum and my mum... well. She was absolutely raging. She called me numerous things from attention seeker, disappointment, worthless and the word that hit me the most was 'failure' when we got home she took my phone, laptop and iPad. I ran to my room and did it again, and again and again, I ended up in hospital that night. My mum was raging more than before and a few days after we moved houses again" I finished taking a massive gulp of my water.
I looked at Mr Cunning's blurry silhouette since my eyes were literally clouded with tears.
I managed to clear my eyes as I saw him stand and bring over tissues. He placed them on my lap and sat back down.
"Would you like to continue?" He asked as I grabbed a tissue.
"Yes, it feels like weight are lifting of my shoulders" I replied before taking another gulp of water and continuing.
"At the age of 14, I got into my first relationship, it was perfect at first before it turned ugly. He hit me, spat on me, kicked me, cheated on me. And the worst of all was that he raped me. In my own fucking bedroom. My very first boyfriend who I trusted raped me. It was traumatic. I remember my mum barging into my room because she heard my screams, she ripped him of me, slapped him then she made me break up with him before kicking him out of our home. She took me to the doctors and the police the next day.
The police did nothing they said it was too late, we went to court, he walked free. At the age of 14 I was diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression. Imagine a 14 year old girl be diagnosed with that. A fucking 14 year old girl. I didn't leave my room for months, I destroyed everything in my room, I got it all replaced, but it still felt like he was there. So my mum moved me into the guest room, I made the guest room my home, my old bedroom was being used for storage. My mum became sympathetic, we talked through the last three years of our lives and she realised how bad I actually had it. We moved. Again. So at the age of 14 I had already, lost my dad, had pictures spread around which weren't me, got diagnosed with 2 mental illnesses moved homes three times."
I stopped to take a breath, tears were streaming down my face, my mascara was following after the tears. I looked over to Mr Cunning's and saw his eyes were glistening.
Please don't tell me he's going to cry. Because if he does I'll break down even more.
I watched as he shut his eyes before opening them again.
"It's dinner we'll continue after you've had something to eat okay?" He said giving me a few more tissues before placing the box on the table.
"O-okay, am I coming straight back here?" I asked as I began to stand.
"Yes, and Hazel, I'm always here" he replied before leading me out of his office.
It feels like a few more weights have been lifted, now to just get rid of them all.
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I'm so sorry if any of you found this unbearable to read, but Hazels life needed looking into more, or else you'd never understand her. I hope you understand I love you all.
I'm always here, even if it's not publicly
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If any of you are struggling here are some helplines you can use to find the help you need...
•Text 'SHOUT' to 85258 if you just need someone to listen. They'll message you back and forth, and you can only say what your comfortable with saying.
• Contact SAMARITANS on the number 116 123 to talk about anything that is upsetting you
• Contact National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK on the number 0800 689 5652 this offers a supportive listening service to anyone with thoughts of suicide.
When you talk you will feel so much better,
it'll all get better soon <3
