Friday 30th October
Todays the day. Like it's actually happening today. I need to go to Kai's at 7:00pm just as the sun sets.
Jumping in the shower I scrubbed and shaved my whole body to the point I had raw scrub marks and cuts from the razor.
Wrapping a towel around me I grabbed another as I attempted to stop the bleeding.
Such tiny little cuts cause so much blood loss for fuck sake.
Shaking my head I threw the towel with blood marks on it in my laundry basket before walking into my room.
There it was.
The outfit laying on the bed waiting.
Quickly checking my period app on the phone I allowed a breath of relief to exit my mouth. My period starts on the Sunday.
Drying myself of I threw that towel in the laundry basket too.
Pulling the fishnets on I stared in the mirror.
There no need for underwear. Not tonight.
Making sure the tights were on properly I carefully pulled the outfit over them before zipping it.
Boots are in the car along with my mask.
Walking over to my wardrobe I pulled out some sweats and an oversized shirt which was kais.
Walking over to my vanity I sat on the seat staring down at the makeup that occupied it.
Red lipstick and mascara?
Yeah why not.
Carefully applying the lipstick I stared at the girl who use to be afraid of everything.
A girl who use to hide away and never show herself the way she's showing herself now
A girl who hasn't had a panic attack in a while.
And a girl who has white scars layering on her skin. The way she butchered herself to make herself feel better.
The more I stared at the white scars the heavier my breathing became. Eyes beginning to water I stood up and shakily made my way towards an armchair.
Carefully sitting down my hands gripped my wet hair as I tried to control my breathing.
Of course my scars are a trigger for a panic attack.
Taking deep breaths I stated at the picture of me and Kai. Him smiling like a child whilst my head was in his neck.
He looked.. content.
The more I stared at kais face the more my breathing came to a original level.
Pulling myself together I walked back over to the mirror sorted my lipstick and applied the mascara before pulling on the sweats and shirt turning my bedroom light of and sitting down in my living room.
The clock on my wall saying I have 20 minutes before I need to leave.
Turning the television on I watched the news acting like I was interested in it hoping time would speed up.
My phone buzzing I picked it up still pretending to be interested in the news. Looking at the bright screen kais named showed.
'Hey my love, just making sure your still coming to mine tonight, I miss you' received at 18:40
Smiling at the pet name I opened the app.
'Hey, yeah I am, just getting my shit together, see you soon' sent at 18:41
Placing my phone on the table I grabbed my bag which had my necessities in it. Looking at the clock the time read 18:50
10 minutes have gone by already?
Turning my television of I made sure all lights were off and my balcony door was locked.
Staring around at my dorm I opened the front door walked out letting it shut behind me before turning and locking it.
Releasing a breath I walked down the steps leading towards the exit of the building.
Grabbing my car keys from my bag I unlocked my car and sat inside it. Reaching over to the backseat I grabbed the boots and mask before shoving them into my bag.
Placing it in the passenger seat I turned my car on and reversed out of the parking lot.
Driving down the busy streets seeing people in various different Halloween costumes I shook my head.
Why not just go out on the Saturday?
Taking a sharp turn my cars headlights shone upon the dirt path leading up to Kai's house.
Checking the time on my dashboard I put my foot down on the gas as I sped through the countless numbers of trees.
His glass house came into view. Looking up towards his bedroom windows I saw the lights on a dim red and a body pacing up and down the window.
So he's got the same idea I have.
Turning my car if I got out quietly before silently walking towards his front door.
My eyes shooting up towards his room I saw him leaning against the window a cloud of smoke appearing from his mouth.
He's smoking.
And he never told me.
Shaking my head I silently opened the door walked through it and shut it just as quietly.
The red lights seeped though the small cracks of his door as I quickly walked up the steps.
Standing outside his bedroom door I peeped through the keyhole to see him smoking an ecig.
He's hidden this from me when I use to smoke weed.
Ridiculous.
Opening the door I watched as he looked at me, choked on the smoke and attempted to hide the ecig.
Shaking my head I dropped my bag near the bathroom walked over to him. Grabbed the ecig from his pocket. Looked at it, then looked at him before taking a puff myself.
Releasing the smoke I smirked at him.
"You really thought I'd be mad? Oh kai, you've just turned me on"
