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❀ n i n e ❀

Richie doesn't know why he kissed Eddie's cheek. It just felt right. Even he couldn't tell if he was joking around anymore.

He kicks the ground to speed up on his board, sticking his arms out as though he's flying. He feels on top of the world. Until he skids to a stop as he comes to a realization.

I just kissed my best friend.

And I liked it.

Pennywise was right.

Henry was right.

I am a fucking faggot.

Richie stops and picks up his board, kicking a rock down the middle of the road as he walks, mind racing. He thinks back to that day at the arcade after the loser club had disbanded that fateful summer.

He was playing street fighter with a boy named Conner. He had thought Conner liked hanging out with him too. They laughed and were having fun. Richie had accidentally made a move by lingering a little too long when their hands touched, and he freaked out. Then, Henry came out and accused him of trying to bone his cousin. He screamed slurs at him as he ran out of the arcade.

Richie had run out crying, feeling hurt by the words, and confused about his own feelings.

After that, he had another encounter with Pennywise who taunted him with knowing his dirty little secret. Richie had denied it then, thinking Pennywise just wanted something else to terrify him. But looking back, maybe he did have a small crush on the boy named Connor that day. But Pennywise and Henry had made it clear that it was not okay to like boys. So he shoved it away, covering it up with more 'your mom' jokes. But the thought always lingered in the back of his mind.

Richie thinks back to when he was younger, and how he'd always preferred Eddie's company, simply claiming they were best friends, even though he always felt different around him. He never wanted to say anything because of the fear of pushing Eddie away, so he buried it and tried to hide it. He still found himself teasing Eddie the most and wanting to be near him though.

But as Eddie grows into his face and his hair grows slightly curly, Richie can't help but find him more and more attractive each day. It's becoming harder to deny. He couldn't even help but check out shirtless Eddie the other day at the quarry as he undressed. The cute freckles that dot his cheeks. His brown innocent doe eyes that are framed by long lashes. His fucking smile. The way he laughs. The adorable disgusted face he makes when Richie tells a joke about his mom. The way his cheeks flush pink whenever Richie winks at him or makes a dirty joke. His fake upsetness when Richie pinches his cheek or calls him Eds.

Fuck it. If finding my Eds attractive makes me gay, I guess I'm fucking gay then.

Richie then thinks back to more recently, and how they danced together on Saturday and he could practically feel sparks flying. And the way he held his hand in his at lunch and it just felt so...perfect. And the way his heart stops when Eddie looks at him. And the butterflies he gets just from being near him. And how much Eddie truly cares for him. The way he's always been there for him. The way he cleans his injuries and lectures him about being safe. And he especially thinks about the way Eddie makes him feel. Happy. Wanted. Loved.

Fuck. I really do love Eddie.

Richie stops walking and looks around, almost checking if anyone else is as shocked at the realization as he is. No wonder he wanted to kiss him today.

I'm in love with Eddie.

He repeats it over and over in his mind.

I'm in love with Eddie.

And he doesn't feel ashamed. In fact, he feels relieved. Like a weight's been lifted off his shoulders.

I'm in love with Eddie Kaspbrak.

A huge smile forms on Richie's face. He has always loved Eddie. He can tell, thinking back. He's never been good at expressing or dealing with emotions, preferring to cover up any strong feelings with jokes. But this is something he's sure of, all of the sudden. He likes the way Eddie makes him feel. He always has.

He hops back onto his skateboard and begins skating as fast as he can down the road, not going anywhere in particular. He feels the wind whooshing past his face and he feels...free. For the first time, Richie admits to himself the truth that he's always been denying. And it makes him incredibly happy.

I'm gay and in love with my best friend.

He laughs at the statement's absurdity but smiles at the truth of it. He soon ends up at home and swaps his skateboard out for his bike because it's easier to go long distances with. He knows exactly what he's going to do next. He begins pedaling fast down the road until he finally reaches his destination.

The kissing bridge.

He looks at all the names and initials carved into the bridge and, after checking no one was around, decides to add his own. He pulls out his pocket knife and begins scraping away at the old wood.

R + E

His carving stares back at him and he smiles. It's not exactly a formal declaration of his love, but it means a lot to Richie. It signifies the best thing that's ever happened to him: Eds.

He feels on top of the world, and he can't stop smiling. He hops on his bike and rides all around town, just thinking about Eddie.

Until it feels as though the world comes crashing down on him.

What if Eddie doesn't love me back?

He stops biking abruptly, slamming on his brakes. He remembers why he never said anything in the first place. A confession like this could ruin their friendship forever. What if Eddie never wants to see him again? That thought tears Richie's heart out.

Richie slowly pedals home, anxious thoughts taking over his mind, imagining the worst-case scenarios. He decides then that he's not gonna say anything. Their friendship is too much to risk losing. And Richie doesn't think he could handle Eddie not feeling the same way.