Circles || Sapnap x Reader

Chapter 13 - Overstimulation and Apologies🔞

Tense is the only way I can describe the air around us, neither saying much as the brunette loads up a random shooter game, the screen splitting in two as he presses 'Start.'

He carries us through the game, saving me multiple times, his thighs tensing out of the corner of my eye. We're at the end of the first round when he finally speaks.

"I believe you, I hope you know," he mumbles, "I'm just scared."

The words catch me off guard, his tone breaking.

"I'm really sorry," his voice cracks on the last word, "I should have trusted you initially, I'm treating you like shit."

His controller drops to his lap, both of us ignoring the start of the game.

My hand reaches for his, Sapnap letting me take it.

"Hey, hey," I whisper, "Don't beat yourself up, you have plenty of reasons to be worried."

"No I don't, you're-" he squeezes my hand, "You're perfect."

"Sap, it's okay, we both were confused," my fingers run to his hair, pushing it back from his forehead.

"I love you, and I'm just- I'm so sorry," his head drops to my shoulder, gasping for air.

"Come here," I pick the Xbox controller up from his lap, setting the two on the ground and pulling his body onto the bed.

Laying down, I let him wrap his arms around my waist, his head buried in my neck. I can feel his breath hitching, my hand rubbing his back gently.

"Fuck," I hear him groan.

"What's wrong?" my fingers run through his hair.

"Everything, nothing, I feel like such an idiot," his voice is muffled.

"You're not an idiot Sap, you just were scared," I attempt to reassure him, my words hanging in the air.

His eyes finally meet mine, my head dropping to look at him.

"I need to kiss you," he mutters, my lips meeting his before he can continue. We stay like that for a moment, the brunette laying halfway on top of me, his hands reaching for my hips.

Breaking away for air, we stare at each other for a moment, eyes glossed over and tired.

"Did you sleep?" I ask, thinking back to my previous conversation with Dream.

He shakes his head, my arms wrapping around his neck.

"We're gonna sleep, okay?" I tell him, the brunette murmuring in agreement.

It's only minutes before soft snores leave Sapnap's mouth, his body relaxing into mine.

Everything from the morning comes crashing down, the phone calls, driving, and tears killing me, school far from my mind. My eyes close in an attempt to sleep, my brain too awake to shut off.

Nothing feels right, although there isn't anything wrong.

'He was scared.'

'He didn't trust me.'

'He has a reason to not.'

'No he doesn't.'

Everything is all too much, my head beginning to ache. I want to throw something, punch a wall, scream, anything to get the feeling out of my chest.

The looming sense of doom has long left the room, instead replaced by something that reminds me of sadness. Empathy and anger stir, a hatred for how Sapnap treated me meets a need to understand how he feels.