.seesaw. || yoonmin story

.seven.

Jimin's POV

I was madly in love. And usually, this would have been an amazing news. Normally, I would have told my friends about it and give that person all the love that I had and I would take them on dates and love them without fear. But not in this case, because the person I was in love with was my bandmate. And he didn't even know.

How do I deal with that? How do I deal with the fact that I have to live next to someone I'm in love with, but can't express it? And if I confessed to him and he'd say he feels the same, surely the media would find out one way or another, and we would get in trouble. 
I felt stuck and helpless. I tried to act as if nothing happened between me and Yoongi, but it was impossible. I can't hide my feelings.
I caught myself staring at him multiple times this week. Well, not I, but the other guys caught me. Which was even worse. Jin saw me staring at Yoongi and he was teasing me about how I should be staring at his  ✨WORLDWIDE SHOULDERS✨ instead. I guess I got startled and I began apologizing to both Jin and Yoongi in a very chaotic manner. They both turned to me, clearly confused. Everyone else noticed my weird panicked behaviour too and that created an awkward silence. Jin just laughed it off and said it was fine. Yoongi stared at me for a while and then turned around without saying a word.
That made me nervous because I thought that he was mad at me. I wasn't myself for the rest of the day as I couldn't stop thinking about it.

Yoongi was way better at hiding his feelings than me. That is, if he even had any feelings for me to hide. I'm very obvious when it comes to emotions. Whatever I feel, you can see it on my face.

In the evening, we were having a meetup because we needed to go over one part of our choreography. Thankfully I wasn't late this time, so we were able to start earlier and practice a little more. After practice, we've decided to have a dinner together, because we haven't really been able to hang out much as a group, as we were busy. The dinner was in our shared living room.

I came in a bit early, so no one was there yet. I took a seat by a dining table, leaning back on my chair and closing my eyes for a bit. The room was quiet, which made me almost fall asleep.
I waited for a bit until I heard footsteps. I opened my eyes. And of course, it was him. He stood there, looking at me.

"Hey.", he said.
"Hi.", I said, looking down.
I felt really nervous around him. He looked somewhat intimidating. He had a black hoodie on and his messy hair covered his eyes almost completely. And, still, he looked as beautiful as ever.

He sat by the opposite side of the table, scrolling through his phone.
Guilt was building up inside of my chest as I watched him.
"Yoongi, I'm sorry...", I said quietly. I was fidgeting with my fingers when I saw him look at me.
"What?", he asked, confused.
"I'm sorry for staring at you earlier.", I explained, my voice shaking.
He looked at his hands for a while. He seemed to be in a deep thought.
"It's fine.", he replied. "Why were you staring?", he asked, still avoiding eye contact.
I got even more nervous. I couldn't tell if he was just messing with me or if he was seriously pissed at me. I wouldn't blame him. Still, his question caught me off guard.
"I...well...I mean...", I couldn't form a sentence. But also, how do I even answer that question? 'Sorry I was staring at you, but it's your fault cuz you looked too hot.'?? I really wasn't ready to be interrogated today.
What made me angry was that he knew too damn well why I was staring, yet he chose to question me as if there was any other explanation.
I was angry, confused and in love. And that wasn't a very lucky combination. I didn't understand him at all.
"I don't know...", I stuttered. He nodded in response and I could see a hint of a smirk.
That motherfucker.
"Why were you avoiding me?", I confronted him, suddenly gaining a kick of confidence. I leaned back on my chair, waiting for his response.
His smile disappeared real fast. He rubbed the back of his neck, eyes nearly closed.
He seemed to be...sad?
"Jiminie, I'm-", he was interrupted by a door being slammed open. Hobi was here, with a big smile on his face.
"Aaaaaah, hello guys! Already partying without me?", he joked.
Yoongi looked at him fondly, suddenly he seemed so relaxed and happy.
"Wouldn't dare!", he smiled.
Hobi slapped Yoongi's back playfully, and sat next to him. They immedietly started chatting. I was honestly kind of sad, cuz I didn't get an answer out of Yoongi. But right now, he seemed so happy. He was laughing and joking and it was truly a beautiful sight.