Giving you control.

Chapter 6.

(Mika's P.O.V)

"What!" He asks briskly.

"I mean... you mentioned that you live with... your parents... so I just... er...m..."

I’m stuttering, panicking, afraid he’ll lash out at me but he laughs.

"Are you curious about me?" He asks. Wangui mentioned in her book that that’s what he does to avoid questions. He looks you in the eye in a flirty way and says something like this. Does he even realise it.

 I gulp but refuse to be swayed by him.

"I do wanna know about you..." I say, flushed when the words leave my mouth. I actually mean them.

(Baraka's P.O.V)

"She’s sick!" I say despite myself, my head hanging low, eyes fixated on the ground between my feet. "Tuberculosis is what the doctor said it is but.... she’s so sick."

Chilly air blows past and I look away as though carried by it, to hide the welling tears from her.

I don’t want to cry.

"I ... am sorry." She sympathises. It's obvious from her tone she feels helpless so I turn to her.

Her head is hung low as well, hands tightly grasping the book on her lap.

"It’s not something you can help with..." I laugh, patting her head gently. Her hair is so soft I feel tempted to run my fingers through it. I stop myself. "So don’t beat yourself up okay."

"Is she good to you..." She asks, her head shooting up to look me straight in the face. We're barely inches away from each other. The question catches me unaware.

"Mh..." Is all I can say. I drop my hand from her head and look ahead.

She lets out a nervous sigh.

Mika, "Are you not used to talking about her?".

I'm silent for a while I think, then words begin to form in my head.

"I'm afraid that if I talk about her too much she’ll go away... I used to be very stubborn before she fell sick..." I admit. The memories cloud my brain as I reminisce about the old days. "She used to be so strict before she fell ill, yet always made time for me, came to my games and school activities without fail..."

I sigh at the stream of memories.

"My mum liked going out and always talked about travelling..." my voice starts cracking. I didn’t realise I haven’t spoken about her in such a long time. To anyone. I didn’t realise how sad I was that she’s bedridden.

"It must be so hard for her..." Mika speaks my thoughts out loud, her hand reaching to touch my face. She wipes away my tears with her cold fingers, a condoling smile on her face.

This is why I don’t talk about my mum, that petious look is what I despise the most in the world. A helpless sadness is all people have to offer in return as if it will change a thing.

I slap her hand away the very next second and spring to my feet.

"I have to go, or they are gonna start looking for me." I say.

"Baraka..."

"I have to go home..." I say.

"From what you have said...then it’s clear that your mother loves you a lot..." She whispers almost. If I didn't know better I'd say there's a trace of resentment in her voice. I halt. I know my face is grim now. I want to yell at her too.

"She loved travelling but only talked about it because she couldn’t just leave you behind, you came first. She showed up for you because it made you happy..."