It's Bigger Than Basketball

2

       "From the beginning, I wanted to be the best. I had a constant craving, a yearning, to improve. I never needed external forces to motivate me." - Kobe Bryant

I idolized Kobe. I use his quotes daily, like a game plan for my day. Training, focusing, working hard. I lived by his Mamba Mentality. I wouldn't even be a two-way without it, so why was I lying in an ice bath, shocked at the 20,000 new followers I got just that hour after the game? Nothing but distractions. I couldn't even scroll through Twitter because the number of notifications poured in too often. I didn't care about the fame or attention, but there was one thing on my mind eating away at the resilience I had built to block out distractions. Her. I wondered if I could find her through Twitter. Was there a photo online of me spilling her popcorn? Who is the owner of those brown eyes that have me feeling caught up? It took almost two hours before Twitter let me search through it. I was in bed, showered, and ready to fall asleep, yet I was checking through my feed, seeing what everybody was saying-searching for her, in all honesty.

'He's a bust, and it was just one game' @ballsacksports

'Crown him!' @raptors4lyf

'Sign this guy and let him develop @miamiheat.' @305ball

I liked that tweet. It would be a dream to go home and play for the Heat. Their culture was everything to me. Hard work beats Talent.

'Wasn't even that good of a game' @jacob23

It was more hate than love, but that didn't bother me. It was just noise. I didn't scroll because I wanted to see what people were saying about me. Instead, I was scrolling through Twitter, searching for a photo of us anywhere. Then, finally, after almost an hour, I saw it. I stood in front of her looking at her like an awe-struck idiot in love as she giggled up at me with popcorn all over the place.

'Toronto's two-way player falling into Camila Cabello during the game.' @ESPN

Camila Cabello?

I dangerously went on google and typed in her name. I shouldn't still be this invested. I should be studying film, not her. I need to prepare for the next game. Shawn Mendez? The Canadian-looking boy from Toronto was mainly in all the articles about her. I shut my phone off, frustrated at how much my lack of focus on hoop was growing. I shouldn't be this invested in anything but the game. Is he the Toronto fan, huh? Not her. It's her boyfriend for fuck sake, why am I still looking into her if there was no chance? I clicked on a song named Señorita by them and heard a little before getting frustrated with myself. They're both singers, and it's a song they have together-a single to her new upcoming album. Why couldn't I drop it? Her voice was beautiful, and I was not too fond of feeling so captivated by her when I heard it. It sounded like she was already so in love, so why couldn't I shake off the feeling of making her mine when I met her? Why did his verse sound like nails to a chalkboard? After the game, I should've gone harder in the weight room to help me refocus. I fully expect I'll wake up tomorrow and think of her as just another fan there for the game because it was only, Basketball or bust at the end of the day.

It made me too uneasy that I felt like I wanted something other than Ball. During college, I did talk to girls, but we'd hook up at parties, and I never call them after. I get it, and I'm an asshole, but I chase money, not love. Especially since I came from nothing. It was easy for me to forget each girl I've ever been into. Even the hottest ones would be off my mind after it's all said and done. So why was this girl still on my mind? She was beautiful, but I've been with beautiful girls before. What was it about those brown eyes that made me want more?