Curwen Oneshots Vol. 2

Fashionably Late

(Modern Day, They're Not Spies)

"Owen, we can't. We'll be late to dinner?"
"So?"
"Owen..."
"You don't want to go to this thing any more than I do."
"I know. Family reunions suck. But my mom will be upset if I don't show up."
Owen sighed. "Fine. We will go. But we're doing this first."
"But we'll be-"
"Shh. Now help me open up all of these packages."
"I still don't even know what you've ordered."
"It was an impulse buy. But I have big plans. And I need your help if these plans are to come to fruition."
"But dinner-"
Owen ran his hand lightly through Curt's hair. "You're so pretty."
"I know you're manipulating me."
Owen leaned in closer, kissing Curt's cheek. "Is it working?"
Curt grabbed one of the packages, tearing it open. "Yep."
Owen grinned, pleased with himself. "Good. Now I'm gonna get some scissors to make this easier. You want a pair?"
"I'm good."
"Smart, after last time." Owen sat down, cutting into another cardboard box. "You evidently can't be trusted."
"I told you. The TV was loud. It scared me. And I barely hurt my hand."
"Yeah, I know."
"Damn it!"
"What? I believe you-"
"No." Curt held his hand up. "Paper cut."
"If you managed that with just paper I'm glad you-"
"Hold on a minute." Curt held the package away from his face, then looked closer, repeating this a few more times before looking to Owen. "Is this just a bunch of worms on strings?"
"Yes it is." Owen grabbed another parcel and started to cut it open.
"We're missing dinner with my family for this?"
"Just wait until you see what I've got planned."

About ten minutes later, Curt and Owen sat amongst at least twenty boxes of worms on strings, all containing 150 in assorted colours including purple, yellow, blue, green and red.
"Do I want to ask how much you spent on these?"
"You do not."
"All right, then."
"Now we need to separate the colours."
"Oh my god."

After another half hour, they sat with five piles of worms. And Curt's phone started to ring, so he put it on speaker.
"Curtis! Where are you?"
Curt looked to Owen for a second, panicked. Then he cleared his throat. "I'm sorry. I got caught up at work. I was gonna call but it's crazy here."
"Do you think you're gonna make it?"
Curt observed the worms, then he looked at the grin on Owen's face. There was no way these plans were going to be quick. "I don't know. We might make it for the end? But I don't think we'll make dinner."
"Oh. Well, that's too bad."
"Yeah. Listen, mom, I've gotta go."
"Okay. You get back to work and hopefully I'll see you later."
"Yeah. Hopefully."
Curt put his phone down, laughing.
"I cannot just believe you lied to your own mother."
"You're a bad influence, Carvour."
"I'm a good influence and you know it. Now, come on, help me with the worms."
"What are we doing?"
"I'll give you one clue: Marie is going to love it."
"Not a clue."
"Fine. You know the archway between the kitchen and Lucy and Marie's room?"
"I am, in fact, familiar with the layout of our home."
"Good. Well, we're going to create ... a door of sorts."
"You can't be serious."
"I am. Deadly."
"This is incredibly stupid."
"You come up with a better use for over three thousand worms-"
"I never said I wasn't in."
They both grinned, then they started to tie together all of the red worms in a row, then they added the yellow ones onto the bottom, then blue, then green, then purple.
"How are we going to get this up in the archway?" Curt asked.
"Ah, well, I did think this through. There is a shower curtain rail up, we are going to attach some of the strings onto the hooks."
"How long has that been there."
"Three weeks." Owen picked up one side of the curtain of worms. "Can you do me a favour and get the other side?"
So, each of them carrying a side, they hooked the curtain onto the shower curtain rail until they had a cascading rainbow of worms which stopped a few inches before it reached the floor.
Almost instantly, Marie woke up from her position curled up into Lucy - she did have her own bed, but cat beds were much smaller than dog beds - stood up and padded across to the curtain. Ignoring Curt and Owen completely, she pawed curiously at the purple worms, staring them down as if she were trying to assess their vibes. After a minute or so, she must have decided she approved since she walked back over to her bed - well, Lucy's - curled up and fell asleep again.
"Right, since I helped you with this..."
"Yes, Curt, we can go to your stupid family reunion."
"Thank you."
"Let me just get my jacket."
"Wait a minute."
"We don't have to go?"
"No. We do. But there are some worms left over."
Owen's eyes widened. "Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?"
"We make up for our late arrival by being the best dressed?"
"I knew I married you for a reason."
Curt folded his arms in mock annoyance. "Excuse me?"
"I mean I love you!" Owen ran back to their bedroom and returned a minute later with his jacket and what looked like two dangly earrings.
"What are they?"
Owen, after removing the charm from earring and hooking a worm on in its place (a purple one and a yellow one), he put them in.
"You have your ears pierced?"
"Peer pressure from my sister when we were eighteen finally has a use."
Curt, meanwhile, had tied a few together and was wearing them as a necklace. "You ready to go?"
"I believe so. Suddenly I can't wait for this."
"We may never be invited to a family thing again."
"This plan has no downsides, then."
"Maybe we should wear more just be sure."
"I have a plan. But it will take a few minutes."
"Okay. I'll just go and do my hair."
"I'll be done when you get back.
When Curt got back, Owen had tied the remaining worms into the shape of a scarf with the colours placed randomly, and he had both hands held out, the worms draped over them. "It's November. You might get cold."
"It's August."
"Still. You might get cold."
Curt took the scarf, throwing it around his neck. "We wouldn't want that, would we?"
"Certainly not."
So, when they finally arrived at the party, dinner was long over, everybody with kids was leaving, and Curt and Owen were, of course, the best dressed.
"You realise if we had kids we would get to be leaving here now?" Curt said.
"Maybe we should get on that."
"Here? Well, if you-"
"I mean adoption."
"Right. We are both cisgender men."
"Exactly."
"Well, why don't we start looking into it?"
Curt leaned in closer to Owen. "Yeah. Let's do it. We've talked about it for so long."
"Curtis!" Mrs Mega ran over. "You made it!"
"Yeah."
She looked curiously at the scarf and the earrings, pointing. "What's all this?"
Owen and Curt grinned at one another. "Worms," they said in unison.
"Well, that's nice," she said. "I've gotta go talk to... I'll see you later."
"I'm guessing that's us disinvited," Curt said.
"More free time to spend with our future child."
"And to teach them about the beauty of the worm on a string."

~

(A/N: Started with a Falling In Reverse song title as a prompt. Ended with... I genuinely have no clue what this is. I really don't know. Then I asked y'all if I should post it and unfortunately got two "yes"s so here you go. Genuinely I cannot stress enough that I know this is completely absurd and was written as a joke at 1am)