Have you ever just sat with your friends and just known that your the least important friend in the group and know if you wasnt there it would make no difference? Yea i know that feeling. I feel it everyday but still i put a smile on my face. Still act happy and everyone buys it. Nobody knows the real me. Nobody knows how many times ive sat in my room amd cried myself to sleep. How many times ive lost hope, how many times ive been let down. No one knows how many times ive had to hold back the tears or stop myself from snapping for the sake of others. I know what its like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you cant. You hurt yourself on the outside to try and kill the demon on the inside. It still doesnt work. You could have all the friends in the world and yet still feel alone. You cry for no reason. It just all builds up and then the tears roll down from your glittering eyes and dont stop but you dont know until someone points it out. Then you feel stupid for crying but used by everyone because they only ask you so it looks like theyre kind but in reality they dont care at all. You start to drift into your own world of darkness and become even worse. Sinking deeper and deeper until finally your gone. Gone from the real world into a place where your dreams come true. A place where your not alive but your not quite dead either. Your in the middle and you feel nothing just numbness. Yet in the real world tou feel nothing but sadness and pain yet the pain you cannot cause yourself. You burn yourself to try and feel the pain but you cant it just isnt there. You slice your skin and watch the blood drip out as it reasures you that your alive. You sit there and try to think of ways that the world isnt real. What if the air we breathe is actually a drug and what we see is all an hallioantion but people who take drugs see the world for what it really is and thats why they are band. But we will never know just like you will never know what happened to me and why im telli g you this. Why? Good question. Why?
