Missing Mr Thornton

CHAPTER 2: The Absence of Love

It had been six months since Margaret had once and for all left Milton and made the choice to marry Henry Lennox, and although he treated her well she felt her life was lacking something and was unhappy in her marriage. She had tried to completely eradicate the memory of Mr Thornton but it is a hard thing to forget your first and only love, instead she kept it at the back of her mind trying to shuffle her duties as a wife and mistress of her house to the front. She did however take comfort in the knowledge that she had known the feeling of loving another person with her whole being, an indulgence not all women were so fortunate to experience.

                She had begun to settle into her daily life in London as Mrs Lennox. In the mornings she would wake up, eat her breakfast then start on the household tasks. She would go down to the servants and speak with the cook about the upcoming meals and, in the event of a dinner party or a ball, further help prepare a menu.  Then she would supervise the cleaning of the rooms and changing of sheets. After lunch she would take up some sewing, or write letters to her brother in Cadiz, her Aunt Shaw and letters of personal business matters. She found her lifestyle unrewarding and found herself of little use to anyone in London where her ideas were neither admired nor welcomed. She felt quite simply alone.

                That evening when Henry arrived home she spoke to him about his day and took part in idle conversation, remarking on London's changeable weather and the busyness of the law firm. Henry was himself slightly disappointed in Margaret as his wife. She had lost her bloom and happiness, her smile was always distracted and her thoughts preoccupied. Not only this but she hadn't lay with him since their wedding night which even then had been brief and unwanted on her part. She slept in her own room in her own bed and avoided intimacy with him as much as possible. Henry had heard from many of his friends that their wives were disinterested in any activities of a sexual nature so he was not too put off yet he still felt that his pride had been hurt. Surely he had not been that bad? But Margaret refused to have any part in it. She kept herself to herself and spent little time alone with her husband; Henry was often too tired to stay up long anyway and instead retired to bed straight after dinner.

Margaret liked this time in the evening to herself; she would sit in the library and read one of her father's old books by Aristotle or Kant. She found a lot of consolation in these books and felt, by reading them, a closeness with her father. She understood what his thoughts and feelings towards these great minds and their masterpieces had been and bathed in the warmth of his memory. Often she would go into the library and sit there holding one of the books when she was too tired to focus her eyes on the jumble of perfect words on the pages. Sometimes she would even fall asleep like that, but she would always be woken by the maid Sarah who had once found her there and now checked the library as routine before she went to bed to check that her mistress was lying in her own bed rather than in one of the chairs positioned tastefully in the library.

This was one of those nights when Margaret had fallen asleep in one of the chairs, her head tilted at an odd angle and her small arms still clutching one of her books. Sarah gently shook her, 'Missus, you've got to wake up, you must sleep in your proper bed or you will end up with awful pains all over. Come on, I'll take you up.' Sarah offered her washed raw hand to Margaret who took it and heaved herself up from the chair, blinking and rubbing her eyes with her free hand as she did so. 'Where am i?' she muttered sleepily, letting Sarah guide her up the stairs and into her bedroom before helping her quickly undress and then assisting her into climbing into her bed, where upon her head touching the pillow she fell back into her peaceful slumber dreaming of happier days gone past.

Sorry this is such a short chapter! Hopefully I'll have time to right a longer one next time! I will probably be writing new chapters sporadically as I have a very higgledy piggledy time schedule at the moment with exams coming up etc. I hope you are enjoying it so far! I'm looking forward to reintroducing Mr Thornton in the next chapter hopefully!

lots of love

Milton Girl xxx