Making Headlines ~ Bruce Wayne [PAUSED]

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐍𝐢𝐧𝐞

You wish you could say you don't know how long it has been since it happened. You've tried everything to disconnect yourself from both him and what happened, but, no matter what, it never seems to go away. No matter how many times you toss and turn in bed, how many times you blast out music in your free time to not leave your brain in ever complete silence, or how many times you try to talk yourself out of this mess when in front of the mirror.

It's supposed to get easier with time, you know that. Every time you wake up, you expect to wake up better and more refreshed, yet that feeling never comes. No matter how many hours you wait for it to appear while staring at the ceiling.

You've tried to reorganize what happened that night. Rearranging it to make him out to be the villain. Or imagining a different ending where he would be the one to hurt you and not the other way around.

You wanted to hurt him, you had to. And no matter how much that hurts to admit or to think about, it worked. Or, at least you like to believe it did.

It has been 2 weeks. Today marks the 14th day, and no matter how much you want to celebrate how your words absolutely worked, you just can't. You agreed with yourself and your harsh reality while on that argument, but you surely hurt yourself by saying some of the things.

It has crossed your mind once that, maybe, you created all of those arguments to throw on his face because you were actually just arguing with yourself at one point. Such things as "we are nothing" or the actual small bit of time you two have spent together. All of it was true. The two of you acted as if you were separating from a year-long relationship, not a night long.

And no matter how much you tell yourself, if anything, this is just a confirmation of it all. You've always liked to believe this 'crush' you had on him, while just a kid, was a phase, but really you couldn't have been more wrong.

Underneath all the hurt and hatred that you once had for him. All the negative feelings that you had felt for him for letting it all happen to you that night, years ago. It destroyed the version you had created of him. A good version. A talkative, caring, and loving one. One, of course, that has nothing to do with the real him. And the truth is that you can't blame him for not being the kind of guy you imagined him to be. You were a kid. A kid that has everything handed out to her, and even at times, laid it out on your own palms. And maybe that is why you hated him so much too because he didn't meet up your expectations.

At some point, after it all happened, you were fine with it. You didn't hate him anymore and you don't exactly remember why. You were out of the city and there was nothing there. Only when you came back, the feelings sort of came back too. You couldn't see him anywhere. He wasn't in events, nor dinners or parties. And that hatred was there again. But there also was your mother's voice.

Knowing what he told you on that night, weeks ago, about all of this, his words didn't help with making you wish to destroy everything that there ever was between you and him. What he said might have been something that would confirm some sort of interest on his part when it comes to you. But, maybe, that would be assuming. That could be only your own mind trying to trick you into thinking that he likes you just as you do him.

And, no matter how much it hurts, you don't think he's even in the shadows anymore. He's not near you, exactly how you asked him to do. And you have absolutely no resentment or hate towards him because all you hate and all you despise is yourself. You are the person that has destroyed everything and constantly tries to wipe away every bit of memory of Bruce's presence. Especially one where he almost begs you to try and find a way where the two of you could work.

It had to be this way. You tell yourself these words constantly.

The door of the bathroom opens, and you snap back from your thoughts. You turn on the water and lay your warm hands under it, trying to bring yourself back to reality entirely before having to walk out again.