𝘑𝘜𝘚𝘛 𝘈 𝘛𝘖𝘜𝘊𝘏 𝘖𝘍 𝘠𝘖𝘜 (𝖬𝖺𝗍𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗈 𝖱𝗂𝖽𝖽𝗅𝖾)✔︎

Chapter 12: The night before Dumbledore's death

TW: SH

y/n's pov:

Dumbledore has arrived back at Hogwarts a few hours ago. I rushed to get my stuff ready. I went to my bed side table and skimmed through my drawers to find some arm makeup. I quickly grabbed it and covered my arm. I picked up my headphones and blasted my music.

I was at a point in my life where I wanted to end it all. Nobody knew how I felt but if they did it all lead back to Pansy. I went to Dumbledore's office and told him that I had to kill him. Before, he even responded he clapped his big hands and dissapeared.

"Fuck sake" I yelled

I turned my headphones on full blast and tried to ignore everyone. I social distanced myself from every conversation that included me which was hard when everyone was talking about me. All the stares, all the emotions building up I just wanted to dissapear.

Pansy pushed me to the ground breaking my class project. I got up and ignored her, I walked to my dorm and sat there.

Oblivious to whatever was going on in my mind. I was listening to my heart and not my brain. I looked over on my desk and saw a knife.

I didn't want to but I thought of no way to get rid of this mark.

I walked over slowly thinking of everything I lost and gained. Thinking of Sirius, my parents, Pansy and the dark mark overwhelemed me.

I used to do this all the time when my parents died, but I stopped after I ended up in the hospital a few years ago. I cried and cried knowing how much pain I was in.

I grabbed the knife and slowly carresed it across  the dark mark.

Blood dripping all on the floor and all down my hand. The dark mark was covered in blood but was still there.

Untouched.

Unchanged.

I dropped the knife and cleaned up. The pain I caused made me feel stronger somehow even though I was at the lowest point in my life.

Harry came barging in as I didn't go to class.

"Y/n your late for class. Are you o-" he paused.

He picked up the blood covered knife,

"You used this? Not to yourself did you? Not again right?" He gently asked.

I shut my eyes and showed him my blood covered wrist.

He put a bandage on my arm and told me "There is better ways to deal with this. Me and Mattheo are here for you"

We walked to the hall and Snape called me over. I slowly got up and walked over.

"You need to stall everyone in time for me to show up before you kill dumbledore. We have a plan" his dark voice told me.

Not long after he said that he walked away with his long black cloak trailing after him.

Mattheo tapped me on the shoulder and gave me a present. "What's this?" I asked.

"Open it and see"

I opened it and found a gold necklace ingraved with the words '𝐴𝑠 𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑠 𝐼'𝑚 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑏𝑒 𝑠𝑎𝑓𝑒'. I gave him a hug.

"Can you put it on?" He nodded. I swept my hair to one side and he took the necklace and put it on my neck.

"What's this?" he asked.

"What?" I asked confused. I was indeed confused.

"This mark on your shoulder?"

"Oh that I had that a few years ago" I didn't want to tell him I did that when Siruis died.

I walked to class and the stares just made me uncomfortable.

"Can anyone tell me what another term for a spell of luck is?" Professor slughorn asked.

I immediately raised my hand.

"Y/n?"

"liquid luck?" I answered.

"Brilliant 5 points to gryffindor!" Slughorn said.

I was so happy I got gryffindor 5 points. But I got more stares which didn't help the situation.

Once slughorn gave us the test papers for potions, I walked pasted Pansy and she had something of mine in the hall.

It was my diary. Every night I wake up in the middle of the night and wrote something in it. She was reading it all..my body froze. As I dropped my books she read a very secret page:

"Dear Diary, I feel like my life if pointless. I mean how come everyone gets to live this simple life while I'm tossed to the side? At this point I'm just going insane" She laughed.

I tried moving to stop this but my bones wouldn't move I just felt humilliated.

"I just wish these voices left me alone. They tell me to hurt myself, they tell me to run away, they tell me to scream my head off. I do everything they say" everyone started laughing it was awful.

"I always cry because it makes me feel like a person. I know I cry way to much but I can't help it. Today I cut myself, something I always used to do" And she stopped.

I snatched the book and looked at all the people watching and listening to every word she said.

I saw Harry, Hermione, Ron and Mattheo stare. This was the end for me. I ran out the hall, which in most cases always happens, and slammed my dorm door shut. I turned the fire place on and threw my diary in their.

"y/n you all right in there?" Mattheo asked.

"Don't waste your time on a wreck Mattheo. Just leave" I shouted.

I went to the bathroom and wiped my face, the next thing Mattheo is on the bed.

"I told you to leave"

"You know very well I'm not going to do that when your like this. I heard every word of that diary, why would you harm yourself for those reasons?" He shouted.

"I'm sick and tired of having Pansy medal in my fucking life. Breaking into my door which was locked by the way and stealing my things? And your more bothered about a blasted inccident that accoured" he ran up to me and gave me a hug.

"Read that necklace" he told me.

"As long as I'm here you will be safe"

"Exactly! How can I be sure you will be safe with stunts like this?"

He lifted up my chin and kissed me.

"I love you Angel"

I dropped to the floor and burst out crying.

"I can't cope anymore. It's to much I just wanna turn back time where I didn't have this stupid mark!" I said tearfully.

He lifted me up and whispered

"Me too," before I fell asleep in his arms.

Tomorrow was a big day, the time Dumbledore would die but I couldn't kill him and gosh who knows how this will end.