Ok well it's been like a year since I've written anything on this app. But ig I want to share some of my Poems with you? Idk. Enjoy ig
Dreadful Day (it's a working title)
I'm a shell of the person I once was. I wish it didn't hurt but yet it still does. The pain still runs deep in my veins, try to push it away but yet it still stays. Can barley remember it. It's all in a haze. All in rememberance of that one dreadful day. The pain in my veins it fuels the flames, It continues to burn, until it drives me insane. The way it feels I can't begin to describe. Like someone cut me open and continues to pry. Why oh why do I still feel this pain. how I just wish I could forget that one dreadful day.
Things you push away
The pain the ache the mourn the shake in my hands every hour of the day. You push it away hoping that this time it stays away. But it always comes back somehow or someway. Do things to stop its path. But truly there is no use for it will always come back. No matter how hard you try to dodge the pain, the ache, the mourn, the shake or the godforesaken pain. It always comes back stronger than before, maybe it's best to just except the pain and mourn.
Self hatred
I hate myself more than anything in the world. I've done things I I've said things that make me want to hurl. The people I've hurt the pain I've caused is not something to take lightly. For their wounds are still raw. I cant break away from the constant cycle I've built of tremendous pain and loads of guilt. I deserve it for sure I'm a monster I feel so evil and impure, truly am I even real. Sure times were rough for they always are but that's no excuse for things I've done only thus far. I want to be better. I hope I am. I don't know what to do to help you understand. I just hope you don't see me as the person I once was. But rather the person I've tried so hard become.
Risk
I can't tell you the way that I feel because what if this isn't actually real. Or even worse, what if it is. Why would I ever put myself at that much risk. If my feelings towards you are genuine and real. Than if you shoot me down I'll surely never heal. And even if you don't, how could I let you in. There is no way in this stupid game for me to win. Or if you let me in I'm sure I'll hurt you. How could I disgrace such an honorable virtue? Perhaps at this point I'm just making excuses. Though they are all useless for no matter how hard I try I will always love you to the end of time
Thats all 😭😂 thanks for randomly reading this! If you made it here you get a gold star ⭐️
<3 Bella
