#GORO AKECHI [True Self]

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... In which Rin and Akechi spend an evening at the Jazz Club and she, at last, completes her mission to discover his true self.

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This is it, I think, unable to avert my eyes from his profile, looking softer than he probably means for it to, in the dim lighting of the Jazz Club. What he's like when he's not losing himself in obsessing over Shido so much it's driving him nigh insane.

I'm perfectly aware of the pungent heat in my cheeks. It's making me almost happy the lights are as they are. I wanted to know, more than anything at some point, but... really, nothing about this situation is fair. I was already in love with him, I'm yelling at the universe in my head. There was really no need to up his attractiveness by THIS much... not if I'm supposed to survive all this, anyway.

As if he's sensed that I'm staring, Akechi turns and I almost yell it out at him. That he really didn't need a gun to kill me. That being himself, the way he is now, is more than enough to do the job.

"What?"

I shake my head and smile. I couldn't possibly put all the swarming thoughts in my mind into coherent words now.

"If you're bored, we might as well leave. It's not like there's any real point to being here," Akechi's not leaving it be. But before he can make any attempt to stand, I've placed my hand on his.

"I like it here."

> "I like the way you are when we're here."

"Not everything has to have a point."

Akechi lets out a small laugh. He opens his mouth but closes it again without responding. From the way he's looking at me, slightly unbelieving but also like he knows exactly what I mean, it's not hard to deduce what he would have said, though.

I smile more, trying to get a hold of my still burning face. I really hope he can't see it properly. I still, even after all this time, wouldn't put it past him to use it against me.

But he's abandoned his attempt to leave, just like he always does when I ask him to stay with me a bit longer. Mentally, I begin counting how many evenings I've insisted on dragging him here. At first only to get some alone time with him, but I admit to myself that after a while, my motivation shifted. It's not just the alone time I'm relishing, but also the way he is when we're here.

It took me longer than it probably should have to realize that the thing that's different is that he's finally stopped adjusting and abridging himself.

The first time I became properly aware that here was a side of him I hadn't actually seen before like this was during one of our first visits here after I'd asked whether he thought changing and working on yourself was a good thing.

"When you see someone you thought you knew, but their personality changed into something completely different... That's not funny at all. It's disturbing." His quiet yet so completely and utterly assured voice rings in my head. "But for some, that change is a blessing... I can't comprehend it at all."

At the time, I hadn't properly understood what he was referring to, and when I understood—that it was his way of saying he was ashamed of being himself and unsure whether he could change into something better—it was too late to respond to this particular line.

It made me think though—about how much thought he had to have put into all of this, and just how aware of himself he had to be to comprehend and express a thought like that, spontaneously, in this way.

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