Sunshine ||A Wife of Vladimir Novel||

His Idea

After that moment, I couldn't control my emotions at all. I tried my hardest to keep it hidden from the boys, but it was impossible. Everywhere I looked, I was reminded of him and of the guilt I felt. We knew in advance. We could have saved him, even if the odds were against us.

I often wondered what he thought about in his last moments. Did he know we weren't coming, or did he hold out hope until the very end that we would come rescue him? What had he done throughout the years while he was held prisoner? Had he even seen any of my letters? Did he know that I still thought of him as my greatest friend?

There were so many questions that would never have any answers. I hoped with all that I was that he would be able to look down from Heaven and see the grief upon us. I wanted him to know how awful I felt and the life that I had long wished for him instead of his fate.

Vladimir didn't mind my state. He did what he could to comfort and support me, whispering words of reassurance whenever my heart led me astray. It made me all the more grateful to have him in my life; to have him as my one and only beloved.

Despite all of our efforts, and all of the sweet gestures of the boys, I couldn't find forgiveness in myself. There was no overcoming this on my own, especially not when my actions had gotten my dearest friend killed.

I no longer felt worthy of the love from my family. I felt disgusted with myself, especially as I carried our third child. Every night, I was practically sick to my stomach knowing that I was bringing another child into the world that would have to know how terrible of a friend I had been; how I had been Caelum's downfall.

It wasn't until five days after my father's letter did the situation begin to change.

Vladimir had just taken the boys to their bed in the early hours of the morning, leaving me alone in our bedroom. I had done my best to keep it together for their sake, but had lost it as soon as the door was shut. I kept still on the bed, staring blankly down at my hands. I didn't want to think or imagine anymore. I just wanted to exist.

But as the tears rolled down my cheeks, I knew I could quite possibly never exist how I wanted to ever again. The world felt different now that I felt responsible for somebody's death.

I barely noticed when Vladimir came back, only taking note as the bed sank beside me from his weight. His hand carefully slipped over mine and began to tenderly squeeze, letting us be in silence. The silence was oddly comforting, especially when I wasn't forced to speak. Even though little words had been shared between us lately, Vladimir still knew how to read my mind.

"Rosetta," he began. It was odd to hear him use my real name so much, but it was strangely comforting. It was as though he was proving to me how serious he was about all of this. "I know there's nothing I can say or do to make you feel better. You are mourning and need to take your time to process this awful thing that's happened. I have an idea that I'd like to present to you. I thought of it earlier, and I have the feeling you might like it."

It grabbed my attention. I glanced at him, focusing on the feeling of his hand above mine. I wasn't sure what idea he could have that would pull me away from my grief, but I was eager nonetheless. The pain I felt was overwhelming. While I didn't want to pass off what had happened to Caelum, I also didn't want to suffer any longer in grief.

"There is nothing that can be done to make this go away, or to make this all a nightmare we're bound to wake from." Vladimir adjusted himself so that his hand could reach out, resting itself on my stomach. His thumb lovingly ran across my skin and I felt our third child kick his hand in response. "I want to make sure we honor Caelum. He gave his life to ensure our family's safety. While one day I hope to avenge his death, this seems appropriate for now." From the corner of my eye, I saw Vladimir smile.

"I want to name this child after him."

Any train of thought I had been on before was interrupted. It completely vanished from my mind, leaving me alone in the emptiness that now was my mind. I moved quickly to be able to look my husband in his eyes, unable to comprehend what he had just said. "Wh-What?" My throat tightened again and a sense of forgiveness washed over me.

His fingers delicately wiped away the tears that began to fall again. Once the tears were gone, he rested his palm against my cheek. Vladimir's kind smile remained, never once hesitating. "I want to name this child after Caelum."

All the emotions I had felt across the last five days turned into one all at once. I fell into Vladimir's chest and began to weep again, but this time out of joy.

The entire time I had been focused on the guilt of past actions. I had been absorbed in the what ifs and how terrible it must have been for Caelum, instead of understanding what I could do to honor him. It was all I had left.

Our past name choices disappeared, being put aside for any more children we'd have after this one, and two more came to mind.

If it was a boy, he would be named Caelum Charles. He would take Caelum's full name, exactly how it was.

If it was a girl, she would be named Caelee Charlotte. It was harder to twist his name, but simply doing it in his honor would be enough.

One way or another, we would always remember the sacrifice Caleum had given.

After that moment, I refused to keep the truth from Alistair and Leo. They deserved to know about the man their sibling would be named after. I told them the story from the beginning, how I had met the little servant boy and how he had become my best friend. I left out the details about my father, keeping the stories strictly about Caelum.

I never completely recovered from Caelum's death, but it did get easier. Life continued on as well as it could and father never sent another letter, leaving us in some peace. We did what we could to keep his memory alive, planning on celebrating his life on the day we had received the letter of his and his family's fate.

We would always remember. It was the least we could do.

The birth of our third child was the hardest of them all.

All the pain of Caelum's death came rushing back in that moment, replacing the physical pain I usually felt. It was overwhelming and terrible, and it was everything within me to not start crying.

Throughout it all, Vladimir was beside me. His hands were tight in mine and his forehead was pressed to mine. "You can do this, my sunshine," he whispered, offering me a smile. "You've done this before, it can be done again."

While it was hard, I managed. As our third child was born, I promised myself to never forget. I would live everyday in a way that he would have appreciated, or honored. I could only hope that when the fateful day came where we would meet again, that he would forgive me.

As the sharp cry entered the room, Vladimir kissed along my face. He was grinning, glancing at what the midwives were doing. He began to laugh, rubbing his nose against mine. "I think it's another boy."

"Another?" I was surprised, but wasn't upset. I found myself smiling for the first time all night. "I'm outnumbered."

"For now," he pushed some of my hair out of my eyes, briefly leaving my side to help the women. When he came back, he had the little bundle in his arms.

This little boy was different from his brothers. While they had been born with all black hair, he was born with light wisps of red with a single chunk of black on the side.

Our third soon took after me.

I reached out, running my fingers carefully alongside his face.

"Welcome to the world, Caelum Charles Dracula."

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