Buffshroom: World's Strongest Mushroom

Part 2: The Saint Slovenly

The Buffshroom, the world's strongest mushroom, dreamed. Since leaving the Monkshrooms, his dreams felt much like their communal meditation sessions: incomprehensible rainbow swirls that would sometimes coalesce into tangible strands of meaning. Time flowed erratically and inside-out. Since departing, these meditative dreams felt like his departure was the actual dream and that he was still part of the colony, a thought that often jarred him awake, as it did again in the doctor's quarters of the Saint Slovenly.

"Whoa, easy," came the voice of a goblin in a thick apron and gloves. He put a hand on the Buffshroom's cap and gently guided him back down onto the slab. They were in a cramped room with stacks of paperium parchment scattered into messy piles. Crude illustrations of goblin anatomy hung from the wall and syringes were strewn about the top of the overturned crate functioning as a desk.

"Where am I?" the Buffshroom asked, even though as he spoke, the memory came back to him. "You're the doctor."

"Sure am," the goblin replied. "Doc Blotch, alchemist and alphysician. You're in the sickbay. You passed out pretty shortly after coming aboard." Blotch picked up a clipboard off the desk. "I fixed you up as best I could. I stopped the bleeding, if that was blood. It was like a weird mold. I don't think anything is infected? Do you have any other symptoms besides the ones that are immediately apparent from your wounds?"

"I've been getting these rainbow headaches," the Buffshroom replied.

"Huh. Weird." Blotch scribbled something onto his clipboard. "That happened to a few gobs after they are some mushrooms that we found once. Uh, no offense."

The Buffshroom shrugged.

Blotch went on. "We had to wait for the shrooms to leave their systems. I... don't think that's an option for you."

The Buffshroom tried to stand up. His wounds no longer burned from their exposure to the open air but he still felt clusters of dull throbs throughout his body.

"Hook'm called you the Buffshroom so I put that down as your name."

"That's fine. That is my name," the Buffshroom replied.

Blotch continued without looking up from his clipboard. "Do you have a family history of disease I should know about?"

The Buffshroom stared in silence.

Blotch furrowed his brow. "Are your parents still alive?"

"Parents?"

"We're kind of getting nowhere. Look, I did what I could, but I didn't really know what I was working with. I can't promise you'll heal, and from the looks of things, you're going to get bad again, soon, and then worse. I know that's not what you want to hear from your doctor, but you're going to need to find some kind of specialist. Or bring me a book on... mushroom health, and I can do my best, but I'd really feel better if you saw someone who knows what they're doing." Doc Blotch frowned. "The Queen-Captain wanted me to send you over to her as soon as you woke up and could walk, she might be able to point you in the right direction. Are you good standing up?"

The Buffshroom gave a thumbs up.

"Great. You have to go above deck to get to the Queen-Captain's Quarters. You'll know the door when you see it. If you see Hook'm, send him to me for his hook adjustment." Blotch opened the door of the sickbay for the Buffshroom to walk out. Hook'm appeared in the doorway.

"Hey, I'm here for my hook adjustment." Hook'm noticed the Buffshroom up and walking. "Oh! Good to see you made it okay. The Queen-Captain wants to talk to you."

"That's what I've been hearing," the Buffshroom said. He left the sickbay and heard Hook'm step inside after him. As he walked away, the echo of his conversation with the doctor bounced around the innards of the ship.