All Damn Day | Post Malone

Chapter 15

Sophie

She doesn't know how long they stay like that, with her curled up in his neck and his hands on her waist. It's so quiet in the room but blood is rushing in her ears, only the sound of his breathing breaking it up.

Her heart calms down, and everything fades away into one unnameable, overwhelming emotion. She suddenly has the urge to cry, and she just manages to acknowledge the feeling before she's shaking in his arms, pressing her wet face into his neck.

She can tell it catches him off guard by the way he tenses around her, and there's a moment of awkwardness before his arms quickly come up to hold her against him, trying to soothe her the best he can.

"Shit," he says, and she doesn't understand the panic in his voice. "I'm so sorry–was I too–was it too–-fuck." He starts rubbing up and down her back, and she wants to stop crying but she can't, so she just tries to keep quiet as best she can. It all feels like too much, everything that just happened, and it's too overwhelming for her to process.

"I'm sorry," he says again. She doesn't know what he's apologizing for, though. It's not like this is his fault.

"Did I hurt you?" he asks. He's clearly terrified by the prospect, his voice full of remorse that he doesn't need to be feeling. She realizes he must think he's done something to her, that she's crying from some type of pain he's caused, and she tries to pull herself together enough to explain to him that it's nothing he's done, that she's just feeling a lot of things and she can't even name most of them.

She pulls back from his neck just enough to look up at him, and his eyes are wide, the line between them deeply etched with concern. She shakes her head, trying to form a reassuring smile that comes out more embarrassed than anything.

"I'm fine," she says, her voice hoarse with tears. "You didn't hurt me. Not at all."

He frowns. The line gets deeper.

"Are you sure?" he asks. She nods her head again, trying not to look in his eyes but failing since he keeps wanting to look in hers. "What's wrong?"

She shakes her head, not even knowing how to explain it to herself, let alone somebody else.

"I don't know," she says quietly. She quickly swipes at her eyes, but more tears just leak out of them. "It's just...I'm overwhelmed, I guess." She looks away from him, feeling them fall faster down her cheeks, and she can't keep her shoulders from shaking, as much as she tries to.

"Hey, hey," he rasps quietly. His palms rub up and down her back, and it's so comforting that it just makes her cry more. "It's okay." She covers her face with her hands, curling in on herself, and she burrows into his neck again. "Shhhhhh," he soothes her, holding her to him and running his hand over her hair in soothing strokes. "Shhh, it's okay."

She appreciates the comfort, lets him soothe her like he knows her, like he knows exactly how to hold her.

Maybe that's part of why she's crying, though, because she knows he doesn't know her, that he never will since this was a one time experience for both of them. The truth of the circumstance hits her, and it makes her feel small and vulnerable in an entirely different way than before. She doesn't think it's quite regret that swims through her, but it's a close enough cousin that it still makes her question if it is.

She tries to calm down, and she somehow feels years older and younger once she finally does.

"Um," he says quietly, his voice static in the air. "I need to take care of..." he trails off, but she sees him glance down to where they're still intimately connected. "It might...it might feel a little weird when I..." he continues, and she quickly nods so he doesn't have to finish that sentence. She's still not looking at him, because embarrassment is quick on the heels of this sudden emotional wave, and she knows it's rude to not look him in the eye right now but she still can't seem to bring herself to do it. She nods,trying to smile instead, and she wonders if it looks as fragile as it feels.