𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐟𝐭 | carlisle cullen (2)

(𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲-𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭) anxiety

✧✧✧

ESTE HAD BEEN SITTING ON HER OWN for a long while. She watched the sky change and recalled a time she'd been in more pain than she was now. Everything felt imaginary. The trees around her, the words in her mind. Este felt exhausted but it was all in her head. Vampires could walk forever without needing to stop. They didn't feel the pain of humans and therefore Este must be making it up. But why couldn't she stop it?

She became aware of footsteps as mid afternoon hit. The sun was blazing ahead and Este was comforted by the shade. She kept her legs stretched in front of her, sitting back against the tree as though she has run a marathon.

The footsteps were light, too light to be human.

"Stella?" Carlisle called loudly. She could hear him in the distance, still too far away to be seen. Este would've called back but she suddenly wanted to hide, to runaway. Este feared what she had spoken. Would he see her as crazy? Would he understand?

As for Edward, how would he look her in the eye after that? She'd nearly killed the girl, gone against everything that Carlisle had set up for them. He'd had so much faith in her, the belief that she would have prevailed against the urges of blood. He'd believed in her and her self control. He'd been wrong to do so. Este had let him down and that hurt more than anything.

"Stella!" Carlisle called wildly as he paced through the trees.

Este felt bad for remaining silent. She did want to speak to him. Carlisle always had a habit of making her feel better but somehow she doubted that was going to be the case this time. She wanted to know how Bella was, whether Alice had managed to sort everything out. She wanted to know whether Edward was going to be able to look at her anymore.

"Stella!"

"I'm here" Este replied eventually. Knowing that she couldn't just hide from this. Carlisle was walking towards her in a second. His expression was complicated, his eyes confused yet sympathetic. He looked worried, Este understood that feeling.

"Stella" he whispered, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry"

"You're sorry?" Este scoffed, "why the fuck are you sorry?"

"Because I had no idea" Carlisle crouched beside her as Este sat up, "or maybe I did... maybe I was just ignoring it. I should've realised something wasn't right... you told me you felt... crazy and I just shut you down. I'm supposed to be there for you, help you through everything—"

"Carlisle I just nearly killed Bella" Este snapped, "I don't deserve sympathy I've just... I was supposed to help her, keep her safe and I could've turned her into one of us which was the last thing I wanted, I could've murdered her right there without a second thought... and Edward"

Este placed her head in her hands, shaking slightly as she dug her fingers into the side of her skull. She didn't need to breathe, there was no need to but the idea that the air wasn't going to her lungs stressed her out. Este felt as though her lungs were burning even though they weren't, she felt as though the trees had turned to stare, judgment in the birds song. There was something hanging over her, reading to strike.