Say My Name (bxb)

Chapter 26: "What Did You Say?"

"So are you going to tell me why you were such a raging asshole?"

He snorted, looked down at his hands like he expected to find something there, but they were just empty. He stuck them in his pockets. "I just messed up, Jamie. I was hurting and I didn't want to worry you, and then I wanted to get distracted, but it all blew up in my face."

"Why were you hurting?" I asked softly.

A strangled choke came out of his mouth and immediately, I went to him and embraced him. I didn't even think about what it would mean. I just responded to the pain he felt. Seeing him hurt, hurt me.

Simple.

He tried valiantly, but a couple of sobs escaped him. I held him tighter. It was in that moment that I knew I'd fallen in love with him, and what a stupid moment to realize that it was.

But it happened.

I couldn't have him cry or hurt or be anything other than the happy-go-lucky Davis I knew. So I rubbed his back and whispered soothing things in his ear. I called him baby. I leaned my head to the side, bringing my face closer to his and he didn't waste any time and kissed me.

I kissed him.

I put all of my love for him in that kiss and decided that even if he didn't want me, I would take care of him now. I anchored myself in the moment and lost any bit of reason left, as we kissed, sweetly, then more urgently, and then we lost the clothes, and then we made love.

Or at least I did.

I still didn't know how he felt.

But it was in the little things – the way he kissed me, the way he took care that it didn't hurt, the way he talked less dirty and more sweet, the way he looked at our intertwined fingers and kissed my temple – that I found myself wondering, what if he loved me too? God, please let him love me.

There, in Davis' warm embrace, I started dozing off.

But just before I fell asleep, Davis started talking. "Junior year in high school. There was this girl, Michaela, we called her Mic. She was the cool new kid, a transfer from California, and everyone wanted her." He paused. "I wanted her. She wasn't just pretty, you know? She was also smart and fiery, the whole package. So anyway, we sort of became friends, and in time I developed this major crush on her. One day we were watching a movie and I just... looked at her. She must have seen something because she kissed me." He sighed, like all of this was too heavy, too difficult to get out.

"It's okay. Go on," I whispered.

"So we started making out in secret. I didn't know why we couldn't be together, but she said she wasn't ready, so I did what I had to do to keep being with her. After a while, I started... well, fuck, I fell in love with her. And the feeling was so consuming I decided that I would do this grand gesture and profess my feelings, you know?"

Davis' voice started shaking. I pressed myself closer to him, hoping that it reminded him that I was there for him.

"It was Thanksgiving." He huffed. "My entire family was there. Think parents, grandparents, cousins, the whole spiel. And Mic was invited, too, because she only had her mother, and so they both came. I saw it as some kind of defining moment where I would do this grand gesture, tell her I loved her in front of everyone and ask her to be my girlfriend."

I squeezed his bicep.

"I was so fucking stupid. A stupid kid with stupid ideas."

He took a breath and we stayed like this for a moment. I knew the next part would be horrible and I dreaded it. I hated hearing how torn up Davis was about this. One's first love was always painful.