A Love Letter

Intro Bish💀

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How else do I say this besides being straight forward?
How do I describe how amazing you are?
How can I tell you that I dream about you at night?
How do I say I daydream about being by your side through everything and be there when you think no one wants you?
How do I tell you that I constantly think about us being together?
I want to be with you for a million lifetimes and I can't say this isn't fate because I wasn't attached to you in the beginning but now I'm hooked. You're the only one who has made me feel so wanted and special, compared to every guy I've ever liked or hooked up with or even dated.
I know my ex can get in the way just because we've dated longer than I've known you and he's your sister brother but I'd risk it all for you. But how can I like someone who is involved with my ex's family?
He will be there with his girlfriend, and I'll sit idly beside you hoping your presence alone is all I need to keep my head up and fake a smile while he holds her close. I know you know how much I loved my ex but I didn't want to throw my life away into a religion just because I loved someone. You're not like him or any other guy I've met, you're so unique and it makes me crazy. Gods I can't help but fall for you every single day.
Every single time I text you, see your story or hear your name or your voice I always fall back into yearning for you. I know our date didn't go well a long time ago but I know my worth now. I know how I want to be treated and how you should be treated. I know you deserve the best and I'm willing to be that. I'm willing to let myself fall just to say you're my friend even though that is far from the truth. I will keep telling myself and others that we're just friend so I can keep you around. I'll keep myself bottled up when you mention other women, and show me their pictures. I'll keep hurting myself over the dumbest things because I know I can't have you but I'm not going to let you go.
Not yet.
I've already lost so many people.
I can't lose you too.
I can't describe it very well but the best word for you is home. I feel at home when we're together, I'm more open when I'm around you. I was so shy but I'm a different person from before. I'll risk everything to see you smile or to hear you say my name. I want to hear you call me "Little One" again. I want to hear every stupid joke and feel every single pinch of pain every time I'm with you. I'll put myself through hell to be your friend, even if it means putting my feelings aside to watch you crumble over and over again at all the women that leave you. I'll put myself through hell to comfort you when your sad, I'll do that one thing for you because I care for you as both a friend and a lover. Gods I just want to give you everything your heart desires just to feel you wrap your arms around me and pull me close to your chest.
I want to feel your arm slung around my shoulder again, and I want to hear that chuckle over and over again.
I want you.
I want you so bad it hurts.
I want to feel your heart beat between my palms and feel the warmth that you provide. I want to kiss every inch of your body and tell you how handsome you look. I want to run my hands through your curly brown locks just to smell that scent of your shampoo. And I want to feel your arms wrapped snuggly against my plump waist while my head rests against your shoulder to take in your scent of wood and flowers. I want to taste your lips every morning and to play with your hair and rub your back while you drift off to sleep. I want to make your face flush when I kiss you, and pamper your neck and face with kisses. I want to tackle you in a hug even if it's only been an hour of me not seeing you. I want to bring you breakfast in bed, and cuddle you while you talk about your dream. I want to be the one you think about when you wake up and when you fall asleep. I'll give you every ounce of my love just for you to feel wanted. I want to show you what it's like to be genuinely loved by a woman. I want to show you my love. Gods I hate this but I love you. I love you and I hate that it hurts.
How do I say this so simply to you?
I can't just outright say I love you to your face. I know that'll make it harder on you if you found out. It's a curse to be younger than you. It's a curse we were born in the same life time but met under the worst circumstance. My ex isn't your brother, nor does he have any relation besides you both sharing the same sister but why does it feel so wrong yet so right?
Why must I fall in the with the people I can't have?
To be honest this will cause so much drama and I don't want to ruin this perfect friendship again. Especially after we grew distant after that date... after that trip to Mexico. And even after all that we're friends again. After everything I still like you and I want to be with you.
Why do I torture myself in dreaming and yearning for you?
Why do I fall in love every time you smile? Why do I use excuses for why I stare?
Why I'm so clingy toward you?
Why can't I just tell you I still like you and get it off my chest?
This sucks. Everything about this sucks. This is my biggest fucking mistake as a young adult...
This is my fault for falling in love with a 26 year old...

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