As soon as I walked into the dressing room I knew I was going to lose myself. As she stood there... so tender, pretty and incredibly sexy.
This just couldn't happen, not after everything I told her. I have the urge to protect her, to make her feel comfortable under all these looks and I ended up fucking it. I feel gross but I just couldn't control it... it just happened.
I feel like the worst man on earth.
I couldn't even look at her anymore and just ran out of dresser as quickly as possible. I was nervous and so mad at myself. I lit a cigarette and thought about what to say to her.
Not even the fucking cigarette calms me down
I was lost in thoughts when I heard my name
She was there
"Miki"
She was wrapped in the blanket I gave her.
I didn't turn around i was ashamed
I couldn't look at my little one
I heard her getting closer, but I didn't move. She grabbed my arm from behind and turned me towards her.
"Miki please talk to me."
We look and just long in the eyes. Now she did the same thing I did an hour ago. She grabs me without saying a word and pulls me into the room where we were. She closed the door behind us and started talking directly.
"What's the matter Miki? Why did you just run away?" Her voice sounded worried.
I could just hold her in my arms. She put her hands around my back and I put mine around hers.
"Ama please don't hate me. I'm so sorry that happened. I've completely lost control. I'm such an idiot. I'm so sorry that I put you in that situation. I completely understandif you don't want to heat my excuses right now." My voice kept getting quieter.
I didn't want her to hate me. I couldn't live without her anymore.
She breaks the hug, looked up at me and caressed my cheek. "Ey ey ey... why do you think so far. We are both adults and know that we have no control over such things. We know why we are here. What happened will happen again in the future and you didn't do anything wrong. I didn't felt embarrassed or exposed or anything like that. I trust you like I've never trusted anyone else. I was scared of the scene and you helped me. When you were in the dresser and came closer to me, I felt safe. So please never say such things again. And don't run away just talk to me and we will work things out."
Then I took all my courage and says what is on my heart. so not quite everything... but I hope she understands it. I look into her beautiful blue eyes. They look like the sea. So deep and full of mysteries.
I got lost in them every time.
"You don't know how much you mean to me. I will always do anything for you. I have never felt happier with anyone than I have with you. You gave me my will to live again. I will always be grateful to you. My little."
A single tear flows down her cheek. I take her face between my hands and kiss it away.
Our foreheads were together and neither said anything.
My dream would be to kiss her now and to say that she's mine and that I love her with all my heart... but that won't happen, at least not now...
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