Spirit World Adventures

Chapter 23 - Resolutions

It was clear we were home. The air felt different. I actually coughed a little before adjusting to the toxicity of it. My bedroom was the same messy, tight space it had always been, filled with three beds. I could hear someone talking in the distance. For my family, no time had passed, really, but I had missed them, I realised, despite everything. I ran down into the living room, finding my sisters and brothers in there. I gave each of them a flying hug before saying I loved them. This was met with jokes from my brothers, but all I could do was laugh with them. It didn't matter. What they said, however they meant it, didn't matter. I was lucky to have brothers. And I was happy to see them.

My mom and dad were together in the kitchen and I felt that tension in my stomach and chest again. But I didn't want to feel it anymore. I didn't want it to have power over me. And so, as hard as it was, I knew I needed to speak my truth. To say the things I'd been too scared to say before.

'Mom, Dad,' I started, feeling their eyes on me like hot irons, 'I have something to tell you.'

They looked concerned. Mom pulled me in closer, 'Do you feel well?'

'I'm not sick, not really, not anymore.'

Mom's brows came together, confused.

'I just want to say something. And I want to say, firstly, that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that maybe I'm not who you want me to be. And I'm so grateful for all the things you've given me. It took a while but...I see that I can be selfish and that I am very lucky to have you all.'

'Tenaya, sweetie, you're worrying me,' Mom said.

'It's okay. I know it sounds strange but, I'm okay. Look, Kya is back,' Kya was curling up around Dad's dog shadow-kin lazily sleeping on the kitchen counter.

I continued, 'I don't want to work with Aunty Thingy.'

'You mean your Aunt Katherine?'

'Yes, her. I don't want to listen to her. She's nasty to me and to you. I think she's wrong. I don't want to wear dresses and be a good girl by doing what she wants. I am a good girl, in my own way. I want to play outside and run and jump and be me. And I don't want to prepare for marriage because I might not...I might not get married at all.'

Her face blanched, 'What do you mean?'

'I might, but I might not. And I don't know if...if it'll be to a boy, even. I don't know if we will have lots of babies. And you know what, I'm a freaking kid! Sorry to curse, but I am. Why do I have to even think about all of that yet?'

I looked into their faces. Dad looked like a slapped ghost. Mom was just confused, her face contorted. Their shadow-kins were stiff. I felt the eyes of my siblings behind me, too. Maybe I had made a mistake. Maybe Master Jack was all in my head and he was wrong. I had hurt my family. I was better off listening and...and then I saw Kya and I thought about Olivia and I unclenched my jaw and stood tall and looked them right in the eyes and didn't waver.

'I agree...'

'Wh-what?'

'You're right,' Mom said, 'I agree. I let Aunty Whatsit –'

'Katherine,' I said.

'Yes, your Aunt Katherine get into my head. I let my dad's voice get into my head. But mom, your Gran, she spoke to me and reminded me that I was a boisterous little girl like you when I was younger. But unlike me, I don't want you to lose who you are as you grow up. And if you think,' she shrugged and laughed lightly, 'if you know you might like something other than marriage and boys and things, then that's fine too. I just worry, baby, because this world is a lot harder than it used to be.'