Bucket List- MashiKyu [A Treasure Fanfiction]

13. Karaoke Bar

"Junkyu!" he says once I arrive in front of the hospital.

I frown. It's pretty cold out, and he looks thinner and paler than last time I saw him. The disease  seems to be progressing quickly.

"What took you so long?" he asks.

"What do you mean?" I ask. "I came here spontaneously?"

This time, he frowns. "But I thought you texted me and said you were gonna come. And I swear I saw you here yesterday too."

Oh no.

I know, sadly, what this means.

He must've imagined the texts- maybe it was a dream or hallucination. And I wasn't here yesterday, I didn't even contact him.

A week has passed since that time I had to meet with the executives, and I haven't felt comfortable coming here; I just ignored his texts and tried to spend time with the members, filming and singing and fooling off in the dorms, trying too hard to replicate those feelings of happiness I get around Mashiho.

Nothing can replace that feeling.

I'm scared. I'm scared for what might happen between us- when the hallucinations get worse, when he imagines me daily, when I no longer have time to visit him, but he believes I'm there.

Maybe it might be better. He might imagine me with him, and if that makes him happy, if that keeps him alive, then I will settle with the hallucinations.

But I know that once he finds out, it'll wreck him, knowing that he was putting faith in a figment of his imagination.

To protect him, while avoiding the thought of breaking his poor heart, I once again have two options. I can go along with the hallucinations, but that means lying to him. Or I can go out of my way to really be there as often as I'm allowed. And I'm more willing to sacrifice my life- my career, relationships, everything- to make time for this boy.

"What should we do?" he asks cheerfully, oblivious to my daydreaming. "Should we go to a karaoke bar?"
"That's a good idea," I say absentmindedly.

"Cheer up, Junkyu," he tells me. "Let's have some fun at least."

This isn't like the Mashiho I know. The normal Mashiho, the real Mashiho, this isn't his personality. Not at all. 

We find a nearby karaoke bar that's still open and book a room for two hours. It's near the hospital, so Mashiho and I walk there, as I reminisce of the time we walked to the cafe together.

Back then, things weren't so complicated.

Sighing, I think to myself, So many things have changed in a week.

"What's wrong?" Mashiho asks me, sensing my unhappiness.

"Nothing," I say. I know I haven't convinced him (or myself, for that matter) but I hope he drops the subject.

Fortunately, he does, and we arrive at the karaoke bar. "Are you excited?" he asks me excitedly.

"Yeah," I say, trying to keep my tone lighthearted and happy so he doesn't notice what's wrong.

We find our room and Mashiho makes a beeline for the karaoke machine to start singing.

Then he pauses, as if thinking again, and asks me, "Do you mind if I go first?"

"No?" I say. "Do whatever you want, Mashi."

"Okay!" he says with a smile, and starts looking for a song he wants to sing.

I close my eyes briefly and zone out, thinking of the events that happened just a week ago. I know that the executives probably have way more questions, after what I told them about lying, and that I haven't been visiting Mashiho because of his anxiety, because he doesn't have anxiety in the first place. And I'm more than scared of breaking the real truth to our members, knowing how heartbroken and sad- maybe even angry- they'll be after learning the truth.

Sometimes the truth hurts. But lying made it hurt more, even if we held the pain off a little longer.

Mashiho's singing voice startles me, and I open my eyes just a tiny bit to watch him. He's singing Orange again, and he's totally into it. I can tell he's pouring out his heart into the emotions that Asahi intended to convey when he wrote the song.

As I watch him sing, I can't help but smile. Seeing this guy who I care for so much, who I'd sacrifice everything for, and who I love more than anyone else on the planet is truly a wonderful experience. I start to sing along a little, which catches his attention. He turns around and hands me another microphone, grabbing my free hand and pulling me off the couch. It's become a duet, and we both smile at each other.

"Mashiho," I say when the song ends and the final chords play. "That was... really amazing."
He smiles again. "You sing something now!"

I start searching around for a song, and decide on singing Big Bang's Blue.

Mashiho looks at me with a little bit of surprise, and I remember how he covered this song with Hyunsuk, Yoshi, and Haruto a while back.

As the intro begins, I start to sing. It's almost cautious, as if there will be a strong buildup but I have to start slow. He grabs the other mic and starts singing too, just as cautious as I am.

I don't know what I'm waiting for, but it never comes. I can feel it inside me, like butterflies of frustrated emotion waiting to escape. It's almost like an irritated force is wrapping each little wing until all the butterflies disappear, along with my anticipation.

And the two hours are almost up.

Mashiho looks over at me. "Should I do the final song?"

"Sure" I nod.

He picks up the microphone and starts to sing Tim's I Love You, and I close my eyes to focus on the lyrics.

Please turn back just once; If I wait endlessly like this today; Again it's the one word in my heart that I can't keep inside.

I love you.

And that moment the butterflies come back, and I know what I've been waiting for.

When the song finishes, we let the last notes ring out without moving. I watch him a second longer before whispering, "I love you, Mashiho."

He smiles. "I love you too," he replies.

"We still have a couple more minutes," I say, awkwardly changing the subject while looking at the clock. "Should we try to do one more song?"

"I have just the perfect song!" he says, running over to the karaoke machine and turning on our song, "Going Crazy".

"Of course," I say, hearing the familiar opening notes. "This has a lot of memories behind it."

Mashiho and I sing our hearts out, putting all the energy we have left into the song. Just like that, it's over, the final note ringing out. I smile at him and reach for his hand.

"This was a great idea, Mashi."

He grins and takes my hand too. "I know. I have the best ideas," he says, laughing.

As we walk out of the karaoke shop, I feel something different.

That longing, that expectation, it's gone.