Bucket List- MashiKyu [A Treasure Fanfiction]

15. Sunset, Yet Again

Although I can hardly believe it, I can't visit Mashiho for a couple more months due to my schedule.

Last time I visited him, it was already mid-May. We had a comeback in early June and the promotions ran until July, due to the great success of the comeback. It's already October by now, and I feel guilty that Mashiho's not back.

I read comments under our music video, saying things like, "Where's Mashiho?" "How come Mashiho's still not back?"

I avoid the questions, dodging everything the directors and members ask. Eventually, they gave up and left me alone- but also banned me from visiting Mashiho for a couple of months.

Those couple of months are finally over, and I can't wait to see him. Honestly, I miss him and I'm worried about his condition.

Last time I visited him, he told me that he was doing fine, but I could tell right away that he wasn't okay. I can see the disease progressing, too fast for any of our likings. I know that he's the type to deny that truth.

I send a text to the Treasure group chat and tell them I'm going to go visit Mashiho. After the big meeting with the CEO all those months ago, everyone chose to give me space- but I never told them the truth. We just kind of dropped the topic, and it hasn't come up since then.

Nobody replies to the text, so I pull on a coat and tuck my phone in the pocket, and I head off in the direction of the hospital.

When I arrive at the front, greeting the nurse working at the front desks as normal, I find an elevator and ride to the twelfth floor. I debate pausing at the ninth floor to visit his doctor, but decide against it.

I stop in front of room 325, take a deep breath, and knock twice on the door. Nobody answers the door, so I knock again.

Finally, someone opens the door. Mashiho.

"J-Junkyu?" he asks in a shaky voice. "A-Are y-you back af-after forever?"

Right away, I can tell how much CJD has affected him since I saw him last May. "Mashi," I say, tears in the corners of my eyes, "what's happened?"

He opens the door fully to let me in, and I step him. The room's warm, maybe even hot, but even in the heat, I can see Mashiho trembling like he's freezing.

Instinctively, I take my padded coat off and drape it over him. He glances over at me before taking a seat on the bed.

"What- Why- How are you?" I ask after a moment of silence.

"I-I'm f-fine," he says. "J-Just a l-little c-cold."

"What do you want to do today?" I ask him. "Do we still have the bucket list?"

He nods. "I-I le-left it o-over th-there."

I take the bucket list and notepad off the nightstand and flip to the page with our bucket list written on it. Most of the boxes are checked off, except for the "Seoul Tower" one and the "travel the world" one.

"We can't do either of these today?" I ask.

He nods. "I-I d-don't wa-want to g-go ou-out t-today."

"We could watch another sunset," I offer. "It's not too late, is it?"

He shakes his head. I noticed he started giving answers that don't require him to talk. I know that difficulty speaking is a symptom of CJD, and it's become pretty clear now.

I check the clock and see the sun is supposed to set around 6:20. It's only 6, but I want to go up to the roof and get fresh air.

I carefully guide Mashiho up to the roof, making sure he's walking okay and isn't having difficulty. Holding his hand and standing right next to him, we make it up to the roof, slowly. I push the door open and hold it for him to walk through.

Already, seeing the warm sun falling behind the horizon gives me nostalgia of last time we watched a sunset, way before the disease progressed so much.

"It's been forever since we saw the sunset," Mashiho says from next to me.

I nod. "It's just as beautiful, though."

Time passes quickly, and the sun falls behind the buildings that cover the landscape below us. The white skyscrapers and apartments partially block our view, but they're illuminated with the gold light of the sun.

Next to me, Mashiho leans on the railing, looking straight ahead at the sun. There's a gap between the tall high-rises where we can just barely see the sun setting.

"Don't look directly at the sun," I tell him. "It's bad for your eyes."

"What does it matter if it's beautiful?" he sighs.

"True," I say. Then I realize the real tone behind his voice- he doesn't care because he might not be around long enough for it to affect his eyesight seriously in the future.

"Mashi," I ask. "Are you... scared? Of what might happen?"

He thinks for a moment before saying, "No."

Well, little did I know how he really felt.

I do know that I'm scared of what will happen. Not just to him, but to me.

What will I do without these weekly visits to Mashiho? What will happen to the group? To the fans? What will it be like to the public eye and the press?

These questions have me curious, stressed, and spacing out until Mashiho says, "You'll miss the sunset at this rate. Just let everything that's worrying you go."

I focus and realize the sun's almost gone behind the horizon. The golden light that once lit the buildings is almost gone.

And next to me, Mashiho starts to sing.

He's singing Orange again. Though he's not putting in all his effort, it's beautiful.

And even though he might have struggles talking and forming words due to his CJD, singing lyrics must be another story, because he expresses the lyrics in a way that's like no other regardless of how stable a voice might be.

I feel the tears coming, streaming down my face and falling on the rooftop, and I turn away to watch the sunset so he doesn't see that I'm crying.

I love you. I wish I could live in this moment forever, without fear of the unknown- or rather fear of the expected yet dreaded future. But time won't stop for anyone, regardless of the circumstances. And that means the sunset will end. This moment will end. Our time together will end and I'll have to say I'm fine and smile through the pain. Though those things aren't under my control, there's something that is, and I promise it'll never stop. My love for you.