Just Us

Part 16

I have a route today, It was supposed to be with Ellie, but I pulled out last minute and said I'd go with Kayley instead. 

She fits in nicely, It's good. She gets along with the majority of the people in the town, besides Seth of course. God, all the things I could say about that man. He's homophobic and hella racist, always seems to have it out for Kayley, but she manages. I assume she may have dealt with it a lot. I mean, just yesterday we were walking past his house and he was sitting out the front, we didn't do anything to provoke him in any way, he just casually decides to yell a racial slur. I don't know how she did it, but Kayley just kept trucking along and didn't even let what he said to stop her from telling the punch line of her joke. 

Enough about Seth, I'd rather not have to talk about that bigot, it's just a waste of breath. 

She has been heading over to my house a lot more frequently, I won't exactly say what we've been doing, just hanging out. Well I mean, although she has all these positive traits, there's one thing about her that makes me feel invisible. We've, ya know, 'done the deed' a few times, but each time it starts with her receiving shit and I don't get anything in return. Maybe that's just the type of person she is, but what really pissed me off was that, a few nights ago, I was talking to her about Ellie and how I was really upset, and she said;

----- FLASHBACK -----

"I know what could make you feel better," She spoke, slightly slurring her words as she rubbed my tear-stained cheeks. 

I looked towards her eyes, her pupils filling with lust. I am tired, I don't know if this is something I want to do. I just want to vent. 

"And what's that?" I ask plainly, not responding sexually like Kayley was hoping. 

Without answering my question, Kayley began slowly undressing. I guess we're doing this. She got completely naked and pushed me against the bed. 

Now, I don't want you to think I don't want this, I love it and I'd never say no to the request, but as long as I receive something as well. I'm the one that's venting, I'm the one that's in pain and I have to do all the 'dirty work'. I won't dive into the details, but what happened from there is pretty obvious. I fucked her and when it came to my turn, she complained that she was too tired, and fell asleep. Like fucking always. 

----- FLASHBACK OVER ------

I feel like she's just using me for pleasure, I won't be surprised if we end up fucking-- sorry, if I end up fucking her, while we're on our route. 

I don't particularly want to think about it right now, I might talk to her about how I'm feeling if it comes to it. I have to go on my route pretty soon.

I stand up and make my way to the door, not forgetting to put on my warm jacket and heavy boots. it's been freezing outside recently, we're reaching winter and I'm starting to freeze my nuts off whilst just going outside to pick some shit up from the stores. Imagine how cold it'll be whilst we're on our route. 

It's been snowing most nights, it's kind of comforting, the slight pitter-patter of snowflakes hitting my window and roof, it's like white noise, it helps me fall asleep. Not that I've had much sleep, I've been thinking a lot about the situation I'm in, but as I said before, I don't really want to think about it now. 

I grab my knife that's dug into the table placed next to the door and pick up my house keys before opening the door and heading out. I walk slowly to the meetup spot, hoping for this to just be over and done with. I acknowledge the people I walk past, giving them waves and smiles, occasionally having a small conversation. I'm glad I get along with everyone here, they're all pretty chill and I guess living here since I was born has its perks. I'm pretty sure my mum was close with the majority of people around here and I often hear people say that I look identical to her, which is slightly heartbreaking because I never felt good enough for her.