Crescent

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

After Blake's revelation last night, we didn't speak much. Instead, we simply turned off the lamp and cuddled to sleep.

This morning, the worst possible thing happens.

Alexander gets back home early.

I hear him yelling at the guys to get out of the suite as Blake and I jump out of bed. Alexander bursts in a minute later, rage coming off him in waves. He takes in our state of underdress before absolute furry crosses his face.

He starts yelling, I'm not even sure what. My body and mind go numb and all I can think about are the tablets under my pillow or the joint on my dresser - anything to take me away from the here and now.

Blake starts yelling back, both of them gesturing in my direction wildly. Canines expose themselves, cursing flies through the room, and Alexander tries to attack her. She's quick on her feet and dodges in time with a swift jab to his side. They yell through their large teeth some more before Alexander uses an alpha command on her.

He tells her to leave the pack before sunset.

She glances at me, noticing my state of shock, and tries to reach for me. Alexander growls and forces her to leave the suite with another command.

He stalks over to me, grasping my shoulder and yelling in my face, but I'm completely numb. Alexander shakes me roughly and my head bobbles around like a car dashboard decoration before he finally gives up and releases me.

Alexander leaves again, just like everyone always does.

My father, L, Blake, Alexander. They all turned their back on me and left when I needed them the most.

You know what never leaves me? The pills.

My body moves as if in the third person, laying flat on the bed before hugging the pill bottle to my chest. I can't seem to find any tears, or pain, just the want to be anywhere but here and nowhere at the same time. I know my pills can do that for me. Unlike the people in my life, the pills never let me down.

I try to count the number of pills inside the bottle, but my mind wont hold the information long enough. Any thoughts I have repel like oil in water, so I stop having them. Instead, I just move my limbs numbly and let the universe decide.

The bottle empties into my open mouth.

Empty. The pill bottle is empty just like me.

The pills are gone just like everyone I've ever cared about in life.

I'm still numb - still depressed, I realize. The pills have let me down like I never thought they would. My eyes travel to the top drawer of my dresser, knowing all the capsules of antidepressants are tucked away some where amongst the socks.

Swaying on my feet, I stumble to the drawer in search of the baggie. I can't find it, and start throwing all my socks and underwear into the floor until the pretty blue drugs reveal themselves.

I take them all.

I stand there and smile, knowing something will happen now and no matter what it is, I'll stay numb. Hopefully forever.

I'm not sure how long it has been before something in the back of my mind flutters. I try to ignore it. All I want is peace, but another part of me fights against it. My legs seem to move as if forced by something invisible and carry me toward the bathroom. I stagger into the bathroom and the contents of my stomach expel from me. It's bile and old booze and mostly dissolved capsules, and it all lands against the tile on the floor just seconds before I do.

My hair has fallen into it, I'm sure, as well as most of my upper body. I attempt to push off the ground, but my arms feel like gelatin. I wonder if this is how it will end, not numb, but in a pile of vomit on the floor of a bathroom with tears streaming down my face.

Is this really how I want to end things?

Vaguely, I hear my name being called. It's too much to try and turn my head, but I open my heavy eyes enough to watch as Blake rolls me over. She grabs my face, her mouth moving, but I can't hear over the roaring in my ears. She looks back to the entrance of the bathroom, yelling. I'm not sure at what or who. A tear is rolling down her cheek as she looks back down to me. Finally, her words float into my ears.

"Stay with me, love. I got you. Do you hear me, Riley? Don't leave me."