Fuck.
She saw them.
I stand in an empty apartment which is weirdly clean except for the living room. The living room has files and papers all spread out in a mess. The papers from her drawer.
And now she hates me even more.
Fucking Emily.
I searched the whole apartment just in case she was still here but she wasn't. I also looked through all the papers and yes, she took the one with the mention of Emily. I need to look for her. Not just because I need the papers, but because I need her.
I grab my coat and keys and do not know where I'm off to but I just keep driving hoping that I'll just see her walking down a street but it's never that fucking easy, is it?
I know she won't go back home because Rachel would have a million questions and one thing that I know about her is that she doesn't like to answer questions she hasn't yet discovered answers to.
Maybe I do know where she is.
It's raining again so I stand 20 minutes in the traffic before I decide to ditch the car. I grab an umbrella and leave the car in the traffic and start speed walking with a GPS on my phone. I bet she beat me here since it started raining only after I got on the road.
As expected, she was standing soaking wet in the middle of times square but she was talking to a bearded guy. Their exchange was of less than half a minute and then the guy wanders off.
I walk up to her in the strong rain that is merely ten seconds away from being declared a storm.
I took a step a step towards her to get her into the umbrella but she takes a step back as to get away from me. She looked surprised to see me, immediately put her hands in her coat pockets and stands silently in the rain.
"Who's Emily?" She is the first one to speak up.
"My old secretary." Yea that's a credible identity for her right?
"You didn't do it."
"No I didn't." I confess, looking down. I don't think I can bear to look in her eyes right now.
And then she goes silent for a while. Long enough to make me think that she isn't going to say anything next.
"You aren't going to ask me why I let you hate me for so long?" I ask.
"I'm not."
I look up, waiting for her to elaborate on it.
"I don't think I want the answer."
I don't cry at many things. After the first few times, I kind of trained my tear ducts to stop reacting on things but right now, I felt like bursting them open.
After a while, she gathers herself and says
"I guess I don't have reason to hate you anymore." This grabs my attention.
She continues. "But it doesn't mean I still don't."
And she walks away without looking back once.
