Bloom

Chapter-4

Stella

The next morning I'm desperate for answers. I have tried everything to bury thoughts about him deep in my mind but somehow, they surface at the top again, like I'm drawn to him, not knowing his name is itching me from inside and his face never leaves my mind. In a long, long while for first time I have had a dream other than bits of my troubling past. It was a dream about him.

I searched in the cafeteria and possible places he could be but he is nowhere to be found. I enter my Economics class which is my third and last class for the day, I still haven't made any friends so far other than Maya.

As soon as I enter, there in back he is laughing into a girl's ear. Envy boils in me to see him so close to someone, but then again, his behavior earlier showed who he truly is and he is totally the type to stay away from and I'm far beyond that since I'm standing right across him. I might have not admitted but I may have a slight liking toward him and I blame my dream for it, which of course will do no good, he seems to be pretty busy with other girls. 

Noticing the vacant seat beside him, I aim for it except before I'm able to reach it another girl already seats herself in it. His attention is now hers and he scans her body from head to toe and winks at her. I tell myself that all the thinking I wasted my time on can go to vain because he is not worth it and he already has numerous playthings to toy with. Anger takes over my appeal and I want to slap him for being such a fuckboy.

***

I'm home by three and bored to the point of death so I make spicy mac and cheese- a concoction of my own that tastes like heaven. While savoring every bite of the delicious meal I remind myself to look for a job or a paid internship since the small amount of fortune I inherited after my aunt's death is getting lesser by the day and if I were not able to find a source of income soon, I would be homeless again.

I complete my homework next and stress over the number of things that have to be handled by the end of week. I still have an hour left for dinner, so I enter my art room that I had specially designed myself for my mental state to be calm and happy. Whenever I am angry or upset, I come here and draw my emotions out, this is how therapy works for me.

I collect brushes, paints and a canvas as I place them in their respective places. The paints beside the flamboyant stained palette, the brushes I selected according to the size required in their holder and a canvas on the easel. I tie myself in a robe and start. I'm lost in battle of what I should make so I just go with my instincts and put all the dark colors that reflect me in an abstract painting which turns out to be as if all the pain and hurt have been engraved within the colors, it's so beautiful yet so dark. If I ever get a chance, I would definitely frame it somewhere in my apartment and every time it would remind me of my strengths and where I came fighting from. It's the rawness of its creation that speaks to me.

The whole day had been exhausting, as I walk over to the kitchen to eat any leftovers I had, it was then that I remembered that the leftovers from last night were eaten by me for breakfast today morning and I hadn't bought groceries for anything I can cook. So, I decide that maybe treating myself with a good dinner would be nice. I changed from khakis into a short black dress and formal flats. I decide to drive to Rosebud, a fancy local fine diner as directed by Google. I'm not quite sure how is going alone to place for couples a good idea but it was a very needed getaway from my chaotic life, plus, if not, then I would have to sleep with an empty stomach.

***

Rosebud is a luminous, modern and an extortionate place. The tables are black and cream with golden chairs, the lighting is dim and crystal chandeliers are hanging atop each table throwing yellowish light. There are mirrors and dark figures all over the cream walls, a soft jazz tune is playing in the background, this place feels like a whole different era, it's so heavenly and artistic.