𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞 | 𝐬𝐩𝐚𝐦

loving him/rant

I hate loving ppl, i mean like, in a way. the 'love' honestly is both romantic and platonic. in different ways. 

i sometimes, not all the time, i hate loving louis. the feeling of loving him is so loving, so openly awesome. so pure. but that loving, it isn't going to stay love, soon it might turn into longing, waiting to finally see him with my own eyes and not a phone or computer screen. i hate loving him bc i know that i probably wont get to see him till im 16 and making my own money, which is only in 2 years but i don't wanna wait that long. i wanna see him now. in the moment, i want to see him when im sad or when i want to scream at someone. i want him. i don't want to love him from afar for forever. i want to see him. i want him to see us loving him, while he's loving us. 

honestly for harry, i had a big old crisis on how he's covering himself or using a person that is so many wrong things. i can speak on this so much but it's super fucking controversial and i'll probaly have like 10 ppl unfollow me. so ill not unless someone wants me too. it still goes on in my mind btw. (i might just rant ab it tho)

n e ways --> ab loving (although it goes off topic) harry

ngl i hurts sm more (maybe a little more), the feeling of loving him actually hurts me. bc i/we no nothing ab him, its kinda crazy that he can be so open yet still in a box that keeps everything in it. he could easily be a monster in disguise and i/we wouldn't know, bc hes good at hiding that. hes trained to hide that. i feel like alot ppl say that he's in the 'glass closet' which i kind of agree with but at the same time don't. idk. loving him actually takes a toll on my brain. its automatic but at the same time not. the same time i have to think ab so many things. so many automatic thoughts. not bad thoughts per-say. but straight up thoughts. even with all these things i still seem to love him, it hurts and doesn't make sense but maybe one day it will. i do, think the word is called unconditional love.

i might do a whole part ab the thoughts. but pls dont read it if you find stuff easily conservational.

all of my love, dulce (or millie)

(437 words)