𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞 | 𝐬𝐩𝐚𝐦

goodbyes??

i can't really, honestly. explain. 

this isn't good for my mental health, it's not ok. i'm not mad at you guys, never god. i'm mad at myself for not noticing sooner. constantly seeing if someone answered my message board thing and seeing no one makes me feel alone, stupid to think that i am alone, i know. since i'm really not. but it does. this used to be my comfort place, it it probably still is. but the constant overthinking and shit makes me fall apart. i think i need the break. i mean, doesn't everyone??

im sorry if this makes it seems like its all your fault, it is not. you have your own life. we all do. we all have these thing that come before other ppl. i get that, so its not your fault. never.  

i'm not saying goodbye forever, i'm going to come back, and i'm still going to have loved you just as much as i do rn. i just need it, just like i need louis, or harry. 

i love you guys so sm, some of you genuinely have saved my life, 100%. you all have impacted it. i would love to thank you for that, the constant love, the showering it, all the time the you have made me blush omfg. i think i will forever love some of you guys.

now for the goodbye part-

i really don't know how to say goodbye to someone, lovingly ig. everytime i say goodbye its bc i'm leaving. and ig i am, yeah. goodbyes are not the most fun, they really aren't. they hurt sm. my first goodbye was one of the worst things that i have ever experienced, i literally sobed for 2 days straight, fucking numb bc he was ok a day ago, messing around with me, telling everyone that i've known him since 1st grade. i miss him, he was genuinely like a grandpa to me. this is about goodbyes, they suck ass. 

here it goes, i love you guys. i always will, forever and always. i feel as though the love we have as a fandom and as ppl who share the same interest is fucking awesome, you guys aw me. some of you, are awsome, most of you ig. the amount of time i have seen ily on my screen is heartwarming, and one of my fav things. i don't think my undying love for most of you will leaving in 2 n a half months, if it does, well then fuck. let's hope not. yeah so, this is goodbye. this is ilysm but i need a break for my own sake. this is i really do love you and it's not your fault that my brain is wired this way. this is that i really have fallen in love with this. with us. with the feeling i get when i see each person names pop up. i have fallen in love with some of you, not in a romantic way, if that makes sense. 

this whole thing is really messy but i want to put everything i have into this, my whole heart. 

i really do love you. i do. i will always love you. 

i just don't really know what to say?? i've been on here for almost 3 years and this is my first long break. yeah. anyways. this is goodbye (just not forever)

this is an edit from a day after i wrote this. (may 20th)

uhh, i came to the conclusion that i don't really WANT to leave, but i'm making myself. (other reasons i am leaving is bc i do this on my school com and they're taking it away for the summer)

i also came to the conclusion that i hate developing feelings for you guys, for again falling in love with all of you. because it really hurts to know that you might be affected by me leaving, i don't want that. 

everything that i previously said, still stands. i do need a break. so i don't feel like 'this' anymore. but i want to get across that i'm not leaving bc i want to, im leaving bc i'm forcing myself to. i also want to put out there that i'm not leaving the fandom, i'm leaving wattpad for a while. i do really love you guys and i may have had a few crushes but we won't talk ab that.

(i will post other things after this since i have some drafts..

all of my undying love, dulce (thank you for allowing me to fall in love)

bye (lmao not rn)