Wait, wut?

93

I want to do a little bit of ranting today.

I had a good day at school and it was fun, but I had a bad evening. I don't want to divulge, but let's just say that people don't understand what it's like to hate yourself and your own existence until they've experienced it. They all try to make you feel better by hugging you and saying that their love for you makes up for your hate. But for me, that doesn't work. No amount of love will make up for the hatred I have of myself and my existence. No amount. I may seem like I'm being dramatic to you, but so what? It's the truth. The truth may seem dramatic at times, but it's still the truth.

All the people who are my real life friends, please don't try to make me feel better. I know one or two of you who know and understand what I'm going through, and they get it.

It hurts. To keep your feelings bottled up inside. It's even harder for a young child. But I have been for six years.

If you read the pic in the media, it's a song/poem I wrote yesterday. It's called Self-Portrait. For those of you who can't read it, here it is:

Bright eyes
Happy smile
Hiding her true feelings.

Dyed hair
Sunny attitude
Hiding everything she wants to talk about.

Loud, outgoing, and fun
Yes, that's her
But it's also not.

She hurts from years of pain
From years of in-expressed feelings
She's learned to hide her emotions-
To keep them bottled up.

She hides away
On the internet all the time
Trying to find an escape.
Trying to be happy.

She is painting a self-portrait
Painting on this page
She is painting a self-portrait

Full of insecurities
Scared of being judged badly
Wanting to fit in
But coming from a different background.

This girl is different
She is not average,
Her escapes are her phone and books.

Singing is her passion,
It is one thing that brings her up.
Acting is her feet,
Supporting and holding her.
Dancing is her expression,
Moving to release feelings.

She is painting a self-portrait
Painting on this page
She is painting a self-portrait
Her life is the stage.

~~~

So yeah, I wrote that. It's basically a self-portrait but in writing. And when I say, "Her life is the stage." I mean I still have a lot of life to live, and I am painting the actions as I go, or as I perform. Does that make sense?

Anyway, I have to go. Good bye and good night. Thanks for reading that terrible poem/song and supporting my book. Bye.

~Trevor_tho

I am Guadeloupe
Guadeloupe is me
Trevor and Joe are bae
And life sucks, really.