Beautiful things - jaylor story (peace book 4)

making up, visiting and chemo

** Wednesday february 20th, 2036**

-ellies Pov-

I'm curled in bed sobbing. There is so much going on in my life right now that I just feel out of control, confused and helpless. I'm terrified that I'm going to lose my sister, I'm terrified that aurora will try to kill herself again and I'm terrified that Alex doesn't want to be with me and will leave me. I just doing know how to handle thing and I feel my arm getting tingly, I want to relieve the pain, I need to get the pain away, but I know rationally that hurting myself won't help.

There is a knock on my door and my dad walks in "hi what's going on Ellie" he says and come and sit down on my bed and rub my back. "everything" I sob. It's hard to put it into words, I feel so out of control, and I hate that feeling.

"How about you try to tell me some specifics and I will try to help you" he says, and I nod and try to not sob as hard anymore. "i picked a fight with Alex, which I know was stupid. But now he probably hates me and never want to see me again. I'm so pathetic" I say and dry my tears before sitting up and crossing my legs.

"First of all, you're not pathetic and could never be that. But what did you pick a fight about" he asks, and I bite my lip "he is dancing with Rebecca for sleeping beauty. And they are getting along it seems like, which I don't like. He knows how bad she is to me but seems to be chatting with her during rehearsals. And I just feel her words about how he is trapped with me creep into my head, and I feel he is going to break up with me or that he wants to" I tell my dad.

I wish my mom was here, but she is in the hospital with kenzie. I usually talk to her about these things, but things are different now. She needs to focus on kenzie and I know that I can trust my dad too, it's just easier to talk to a girl.

"She has been mean to you for years, so I understand that you might feel that way. What did he say?" he asks and take my hand and run circles with his thumb on the back of my hand. "He said that he is just being nice because they need to dance together. that I should trust him, and that he loves me and only me."

My dad lets me get everything off my chest before he speaks again "how do you feel about it now" he asks me, and I sigh "I know that I should trust him. He hasn't given me a reason to not trust him. I guess that there is so much going on right now that I feel completely out of control. With everything going on with kenzie and aurora I just took it out on him, and I know that's not fair"

I know that what I did was wrong. It was stupid to pick a fight with him when he isn't actually what I'm upset about. I'm upset about everything going on with my sisters, not him being professional and getting along with Rebecca. I can't control who he is paired with for dance, but it still stings that it's her.

"I know I need to apologize because it's not really about him. I'm just scared to lose him. With everything going on right now I just need him" I say and dry my tears. He has two good shoulders to cry on and he loves me. I know that usually teenage romance doesn't last, but maybe we will be different. Some couples last until adulthood so maybe we will be like that, I hope so. He makes me feel safe and loved that's something I don't want to lose.

"If you feel like you should apologize then do it. Being able to realize that is a mature step Ellie" he says.

** the next day**

I walk into school and Alex is waiting for me at my locker like he always does and I'm almost in tears. He sees me and see the look in my face, so he opens his arms and I lean into his embrace "i'm sorry. It was stupid. I do trust you. It wasn't really about you at all, it was about me" I say and burrow my head into the crock of his neck. The fact that he is comforting me right now gives me hope that maybe he isn't mad at me.