afterthought

74 minutes

The hospital seems to be the only place on earth that has no sense of time. It's nearly one in the morning and the ED is bustling with energy. Doctors move from patient to patient; snapping off gloves and throwing blood-covered gowns into the trash in passing. Patients roll in on a tangent; an endless stream that floats through the room.

Doctors move past Jay at a steady pace, and at some point he stops expectantly rising to his feet when they come over to his corner. He digs his nails farther into the palms of his hands when they pass him each time, but sits back down obediently and continues to wait.

He's never been so tired of waiting.

At around 6 in the morning he wakes up with a start. The ED is calm again, the rush of late night trauma subsiding, and Kim makes her way in through the front doors.

She spots Jay quickly and wordlessly takes the seat next to him.

She hands him a coffee which he receives appreciatively.

"You been here all night?" She asks softly.

Jay nods and takes a sip of the coffee.

"Will said they should have news soon." Kim says hopefully.

Jay huffs and grips the cup tighter, "I've heard that about every hour since 12. She should've been out of surgery two hours ago." His foot taps anxiously.

Kim rubs his arm, "I'm sure everything's fine, Jay. You've gotta let them do their job."

He doesn't answer.

"Have you had anything to eat yet?"

"Will brought some chips about an hour ago."

Kim breathes the slightest sigh of relief and clears her throat. "Maybe you should head home for a little while. Just grab a shower and change into some fresh clothes. I'll stay here and wait for news."

Jay turns his head to look at her and Kim sees for the first time how red his eyes have gotten. "Thanks, but I'm good." He shuts her down and drinks the remaining liquid in his cup.

"Where are you going?" Kim asks when he gets up with a start.

"To find a doctor." He explains, "This is ridiculous, we should've gotten news hours ago."

"Jay." She whispers.

He ignores her and sets off across the room. Kim watches anxiously.

Jay walks briskly towards the nurses station. The nurse working behind the desk shakes her head when she notices him, recognizing Jay before he even has the chance to ask.

"I'm sorry, Detective. I just haven't gotten any news yet, but I promise as soon as I hear something-"

"Detective Halstead?" A woman's voice interrupts the nurse. Jay swivels around, his heart leaping into his throat.

It's the same doctor from earlier in the night; Hailey's doctor.

"Hi again, I'm the doctor who worked on your partner, Detective Upton." She speaks cautiously, as if he won't remember her. As if he hasn't been expectantly waiting for her all night.

"Is something wrong? Is she ok? Did the surgery go well?" The words leave his mouth in a jumble.

"We repaired the femur fracture and were able to keep her brain swelling down enough to avoid surgery." She says.

Jay nods along, his insides squirming with every word she says. "So, she's ok? She's going to be alright?"

"Unfortunately her pressure bottomed out during the surgery, and it took a lot out of her body to keep her alive." She chews on the inside of her cheek, "Hailey's heart has undergone a lot of stress, and we just don't know... We don't know how long it will be until she's awake again."