blues and greens (barson)

iii.

Olivia's phone rang, again startling the two friends from their thoughts.
They smiled at each other as they noticed the other's jump but neither of them said anything or let the laughter spill over this time.
She answered her phone, "Benson."
"Hey, Liv," Stabler greeted.
Rafael was making faces at her, a habit he'd picked up during late nights when she'd answer a call and say it was important and he was trying everything to break her and get her to laugh and ruin the air of professionalism.
"What's up?" She asked.
"It's slow here today and so I was wondering if you wanted to get lunch or something?" She could hear his heavy footfalls.
That was another difference between the two men. Elliot was built like a football player and Rafael like a dancer.
She widened her eyes at Rafa, trying to get him to stop making faces at her, "today actually isn't good, Elliot. A bit of an emergency came up and I'm likely to be slammed for the rest of the week."
Rafa's heart sank as he heard who she was talking to. He stopped making faces and looked down.
"Is everything okay? Do you need another detective?" Elliot asked.
"Oh, no. That's alright. We're fine."
There's a heavy sigh on the other end of the line.
Rafael also looked up and rolled his eyes.
Both men knew that when Olivia Benson said something was fine, it almost certainly wasn't.
"I can be there in two minutes, Liv. Seriously. All you have to do is ask."
Olivia rubbed at her forehead.
This was a similarity, both men were stubborn as hell.
"Elliot, everything is okay. It's just a bit hectic."
"It sounds quiet," he counters.
"I'm closed in my office. Fin is in the field, Amanda is with the ADA and a witness, and Velasco is on phones. We're totally good."
Barba rubbed his slightly sweaty hands on his pants and leaned forward, grabbing a pen and a pad of post-it notes. He started doodling on the top one.
"El, give me a minute?" She asked.
"Yeah."
She pressed the mute button on her phone and looked ay Barba, "what're you doing?"
"Well, we have to wait to find out what happens next, right? You think I'm going to leave and get uptown and then you call me right back? I'm not donating money to Uber today, Liv."
"I meant with the post-it..."
"Oh. You'll see when I'm done, finish your phone call. I'm good."
She squinted at him because he most certainly didn't sound good, but she didn't want to push him while she had Stabler on hold.
"I'm back," she said to Elliot, once she'd unmuted.
"Everything okay?"
She nodded.
"He can't hear you nodding," Rafael mumbled.
She coughed to cover a laugh, "yeah. Everything is okay."
"You sound off."
"I'm fine."
Another eye roll.
"I'm good, El, I'm good. Listen, like I said, we're really busy over here. So," she paused realizing she probably shouldn't mention their potential date in front of Barba.
"So?"
Rafael looked at her.
"Is it alright if I call you back later?"
"Liv."
A knock on the door from the interview room and a little head peeked in, "Miss Amanda said you have juice boxes?"
Olivia grinned at Aspen, "hang on, El," she muted her phone again and slid her chair to the mini fridge, "I do. I keep them for my son, Noah, but I don't think he'll mind sharing. What flavor do you like?"
"Did I interrupt?" Aspen asks nervously, looking toward Rafael and then the phone.
Rafael just stared at the little girl before coughing and smoothing his tie, he stood up, "no, no interruption. I'm Rafael," he approached her and offered a hand.
Her small hand landed in his and she shook, it was a strong handshake for such a little girl, "I'm Aspen. It's nice to meet you, Rafael."
He could've cried right then and there but he held it in and took a deep breath before letting go of the girl's hand.
"I like grape juice," Aspen turned back to Olivia.
Olivia grabbed a box from the mini fridge and handed it to Aspen.
"Are you going to come back soon?" Aspen asked Olivia as she took the juice.
"Yes, I'm so sorry, sweetie. Rafael and I were discussing some things and taking care of paperwork. I'll be back in soon."
"Miss Amanda and I finished the puzzle. We're going to start another one, I think I upset her by getting more pieces in than she did."
Rafael choked back a laugh and turned away.
A distant cough could be heard from Amanda from the open door.
"I think she'll be okay," Liv replied with a small smile, "do you want some cookies to go with your juice?"
The girl nodded excitedly.
Olivia handed her a little pouch of cookies and watched as the girl took them and ran back into the interview room, closing them door behind her.
"What a test of nurture to nature," Rafael muttered as he sat back down.
"There's no way that that was anything but nature."
"How do you mean?" He asks as he starts doodling again.
"That was pure you, Raf."
Rafael gave her a small smirk and continued doodling.
"You disagree?"
"Not at all, but the worry about interrupting was entirely you."
Olivia sighed and nodded, he wasn't wrong.
"She's got a good handshake."
Olivia considered for a moment and then took a sip of the coffee Carisi had delivered.
"You left someone on hold," Rafael mumbled.
"Oh, crap," she scooped her phone up, "are you still there?"
"Yes."
"Sorry about that."
"I really can come up there, if you need help, another body, just a presence, whatever it is."
She looked across the desk at Rafael who's brow was furrowed as he brought the note pad closer to his face, clearly working on some small detail.
"Liv?"
"We're fi- we're all good here. Really."
Rafael lowered his hands and mouthed, "hang up."
She gave him a look and sighed, "look, El. I really got go."
"Alright well-"
"Bye," she said and hung up, she knew she should've waited for him to finish speaking but she saw Fin return and Langan and Carisi stand up outside her office.
"He's gonna show up here anyway," Barba said in an almost sing-song, taunting sort of way.
"He won't."
"I bet you an entire bottle of red."
"You're on."
Langan knocked before entering, "alright. I have the copy of the letter, I'm heading to family court. Call if any new developments arise."
Olivia nodded.
"Thank you, Trevor," Rafael said with incredible sincerity.
Olivia looked at Rafa and then back to Langan, "thank you."
The lawyer nodded and gave them each a smile before heading for the door and closing it behind himself.
There was a few moments of silence as Rafael finished his doodle and held the note pad to Olivia.
She looked at him and then pulled her glasses down as she took it from him. It was a doodle of the courthouse and two people in front of it. One kissing the other's head. It wasn't a phenomenal drawing, some prodigal development, but it was recognizable at least. She looked up at him.
"It's very cute."
He rolled his eyes, "it's bad. You don't have to sugar coat like I'm Noah."
She smiled as she peeled the top note off and turned to pin it behind her desk.
There was a ruckus from the squad room.
"I can see her in there, Fin," Elliot's voice got louder.
"Not the cheap stuff. A good bottle of red," Rafael stated dryly.
"Yeah, you got it," she replied lamely.
The office door flew open and Elliot was holding the door handle. His eyes landed on Olivia and his shoulders seemed to relax.
Rafael didn't move. Hell, he didn't even breathe. He imagined that if he didn't move, that the larger man wouldn't notice him.
"You are okay, it doesn't look that crazy."
Olivia looked at him, blankly, "I said you didn't have to come."
His eyes fell on Rafael, but he didn't recognize him from behind.
"I didn't realize you were in a meeting, I'm sorry. I was worried."
Rafael released a breath and just gave a thumbs up and gestured toward the interview room.
Olivia nodded.
The lawyer stood and moved across the room silently and slipped into the room with Amanda and Aspen.
Olivia could hear Amanda reassuring Aspen that the yelling had nothing to do with her before the door closed again.
"That was kind of rude," Elliot said, looking after the man who hadn't introduced himself.
"It's fine."
Elliot raised an eyebrow at her.
She sighed, "I don't know why every time I say something is fine everyone always assumes it's not."
Elliot pushed the door closed and sat in the chair Barba had just abandoned, "could have something to do with you saying it's fine when it's not fine. Just a thought, though."
She pushed her glasses back up, "is it really that slow today?"
"Unbearably so."
"You know anytime any of us utter that word or the "q" word around here it's like hell on Earth for us?"
"It seems relatively quiet around here today."
"Trust me it's not. We're waiting for paperwork."
Fin knocked and poked his head in, "Cap."
"What's up, Fin?"
He glanced toward Elliot, "do you want me to take Rollins or Velasco to the facility?"
She considered for a moment, "ask the counselor if he minds sitting with our witness and then take Rollins. Joe can keep covering phones. Call Carisi directly if you need warrants, I trust your judgment."
Fin nodded, "it's almost lunch hour so traffic is gonna be Hell."
"Make Rollins drive," Liv shrugged and gave him a small smile.
She knew this was the set up for an incognito opportunity to ask for an out if she needed one.
"Nah, she's worse than Munch."
"Munch wasn't bad."
Fin nodded, finally satisfied, "we'll be back soon as we can. We'll call if we find anything."
John Munch had been the one to come up with the coded check in recent years, noting that Olivia occasionally needed a minute to breathe alone in her office.
"The energy in this office is weird today," Elliot stated.
"I told you, it's busy. We picked this case up not long after you left this morning and it's been a steady stream of people in here ever since."
"Who was the guy that just left without saying anything?" Elliot inquired.
Olivia paused for a moment, "that was the witness' father."
It wasn't a lie.
"Oh, I thought you said he was a lawyer?" Elliot glanced toward the door Barba had slinked through.
"He is."
Elliot nods slowly, seeming to try to puzzle something together but not having all the pieces made it far more difficult.
"It's fi- it's okay, El. Really. It's just one of those cases that we're only scraping the surface on so far. At any moment it's going to-" Her phone started ringing, "pop."
He gestured for her to take it.
"Benson," she answered.
"Olivia, it's Trevor."
"Hi," she said, standing and moving to stand away from her desk.
"The courts have never seen anything like this," he laughed slightly.
"It is an unusual one. I've been here forever and you know I've never seen one like it."
"Well, I would hope you haven't," the lawyer chuckled again.
"Yeah, that would be a bit difficult to explain more than once, wouldn't it?" Olivia laughed.
"So, Linden has agreed to the temporary order of custody until the case or cases are sorted out."
"That's good, right?"
"It is."
"We just need to figure out which case to pursue."
"Linden suggests the facility. Since the parents signed off on their rights, they're basically free of all responsibility."
"But they sent her with nothing but a backpack and a water bottle."
"That's true."
"Are we supposed to just clothe her and everything ourselves?" Olivia sassed, though she knew Langan had nothing to do with it.
"Well, if you believe the letter then she's yours so probably."
"DNA?"
"Yeah, that and checking the facility would be next steps in my opinion."
"Alright, thanks, Trevor."
"I'll bring the paperwork over for both of you to sign after lunch."
"Fantastic, see you then."
The call ended and Olivia let out a heavy sigh as she headed back to her desk.
"Case pop?" Elliot asked dryly.
She has forgotten he was there and jumped slightly, "oh. Sort of. I can't really discuss-"
"An open investigation? With a colleague?"
"Elliot. You know these are sensitive cases."
The man looked at her blankly.
There was a knock on the interview room door.
Olivia was starting to feel overwhelmed with everyone needing her left and right today. She didn't want to explain this case to Elliot, she didn't want him in her office right now. She wanted to sit with Rafael and figure this out.
She stood and crossed the room, "you should head back," she said to Elliot.
He stood, "I'll be in the squad room. I know you can't leave me alone in your office."
She gave him a weak smile and slipped into the interview room as she watched Elliot leave her office.
Rafael looked at her.
"You could hear?" She mumbled to him.
He nodded.
"Good."
He gave her a small smile.
"Miss Olivia!" Aspen cheered.
"Hi, honey. I'm so sorry for being busy. I see you finished a second puzzle."
"Rafael helped."
Rafa looked at Olivia and then back to the girl with nothing but adoration on his face.
Olivia smiled, "good. That's good."
Aspen nodded.
"So," she moved to sit down.
Her phone dinged and she glanced at it, seeing it was from Elliot and he was saying a case just popped up and he'd call her later, she let out a sigh of relief before sitting.
"I think we should have a bit of a talk," Olivia said, "about what's happening."
The young girl looked between Olivia and Rafael, "am I in trouble?"
"No, no, sweetie. Not at all."
"Do you get in trouble a lot?" Rafael asked softly.
"Well, my dad was mad a lot because he said I didn't look like him and he thought mommy did something bad and so he'd yell a lot."
Olivia rubbed at her neck.
"And then he'd be mad if I argued with him."
"Why would you argue with him?" Olivia asked.
"Well, he would want me to go to bed early and I'd try to get an hour longer and he'd say fifteen minutes and I'd say half an hour."
Olivia looked directly at Rafael, she didn't think negotiating was nature but stubborn, arguing, hardheadedness was definitely a trait both of them had.
"I think mommy left because she was tired of dad saying she did something bad," Aspen said softly.
"And your dad said he was leaving too?" Olivia inquired.
Aspen nodded, sadly, "he said to pack my backpack like I was going to grandma's so I packed some clothes and my favorite blanket and toy. Then he told Luisa to bring me to the train station."
Olivia nodded, remembering the story from earlier.
"I know that babies come from their mommy's bellies and my mommy had a scar on her belly that she said was from having me so I couldn't be adopted, one of my friends at school said she was adopted. But I couldn't have been adopted, right?"
Rafael looked at Olivia.
This girl was about to be a second grader, she'd told him that she'd be seven next month, but she was almost too smart for her own good.
"Well, Aspen," he started, "sometimes it's hard for people to have babies."
Olivia nodded, "and so they see a doctor for help and sometimes there are mixups at the doctor's and sometimes people end up with a baby who actually has a different mommy and daddy."
Aspen was quiet for a minute, processing this new information and then asked, "was I a mixup baby?"
"Maybe," Rafael said gently, "but, your first mommy and daddy loved you very much so that you would be ready when you got to your second mom and dad, does that make sense?"
She looked at him with that same furrowed brow.
Olivia couldn't help but recognize the furrowed brow of concentration that he'd had when he was working on his doodle.
"You're saying that I'm going to have a new mommy and daddy?" She asked distantly.
"Would you be okay with that?" Olivia asked slowly.
"Will they yell at each other?"
"Maybe sometimes. Sometimes grownups who love each other yell because they think it will help the other hear them," Rafael started, "and sometimes they fight because they think they know what's best for the other without asking and then they were wrong."
"But it's okay to disagree with the people you love sometimes," Olivia said.
And in that moment, both Olivia and Rafael knew that they'd forgiven each other for everything that had happened.
"Will my new mom and dad be like you?" Aspen looked between them.
It was clear that the little girl was scared and a bit lost.
"Aspen," Rafael said, moving from his chair to crouch next to hers, he took the arms of her chair and turned her toward him and looked at her face, "would it be okay with you if Olivia and I were your new mommy and daddy?"
The girl looked closely at Rafael and tilted her head, contemplating for a long moment.
Olivia held her breath because that wasn't exactly the way she would've done it but she trusted Rafael. And she would have to if all of this turned out the way it was supposed to.
Rafael waited with bated breath for the girl's response. He knew that if she agreed, someday when she was older and would be able to understand more, he and Olivia would have to explain how all of this happened but for now this would have to do.
"I think it would be okay," Aspen finally settled on.
Rafael looked at Olivia.
Olivia gave a small smile, but she was worried about how all of this would effect Noah. Noah knew he was adopted, she never tried to hide it from him. She was worried what would happen with this, she knew that even though he was a few years older, he probably wouldn't understand the difference until he was well into his teens since Aspen would join their family as a child and not as a newborn, but that didn't stop her from worrying.
"Olivia?" Aspen said softly.
Liv turned to look at her.
"You and Rafael are going to be my new parents?" Her voice was still soft.
"I think so, honey."
Aspen, having now heard it from both grownups, had a small smile grow across her face.

She wouldn't tell them but she already thought they were nicer than her first parents. Her dad had hurt her mom more than once for whatever bad thing he thought she'd done and her mom had sometimes said mean things to her because of how mean dad was. She saw the way Rafael and Olivia looked at each other and she may not quite understand exactly the feelings behind the looks but she understood that these two grownups cared about each other and they cared about her.

"Liv, could I?" Rafael gestured to the side before he stood and squeezed Aspen's shoulder.
Olivia nodded and moved to where he'd gestured.
"You know you have to recuse yourself from the investigations since you're so closely involved?" Rafael inquired softly.
Olivia looked at him. He's tried to request this in the past when he was the ADA and she thought he'd learned that she worked even better when she was close to the subject.
"Not because I think you'll let your emotions get in the way," he corrected her thoughts without even waiting for a remark, "but because I've worked for the other side long enough now to know that they will use it against our case and we can't screw up any case that comes from this."
She considered for a moment, she knew he was right. She knew if she messed up this case she'd be furious with herself.
"Can you stay with her?" Liv asked.
Rafael gave her a look that said 'do you have to ask?' and moved back across the room to sit with Aspen. He started asking her what she wanted to get for lunch and following their recent conversation she was much more relaxed with him already, both adults could see it.