Let Me Love Him

IV. (flashback)

"Would you wait for me on the tennis court?"

Pinky asked this question every Friday after evening classes for as long as she and Derby could remember it. It was a tradition, a sweet ritual that blurred the boundaries and turned their characters into pleasant ones that were very different from what they showed within the walls of Bullworth Academy.

"I can wait as long as you need, princess."

Derby had a knack for giving every word the chic and the old-fashioned, pretentious elegance that their small town liked to criticise, but Pinky adored it — they weren't siblings, they were first cousins, descended vulgarly from the pages of magazines about bright rich kids, delicately intertwining their fingers.

They were the kind who wore only white and pale blue. Ironed collars, a straight posture, impeccable reputation.

They were very close — the only children in two wealthy families among the abundance of prudish adults.

It was strange to search for short-lived affaires when first cousins are legal. When they, their social circles are so perfect. Aquaberry sweaters, gold cards, mansions in Old Bullworth Vale, a beach house by the old lighthouse, and expensive academy dorm rooms.

Pinky allowed herself to have an affair with a boy from a gas station only because Derby suddenly got himself involved with a young governess with big blue eyes and a quiet laugh a year ago — his father would never approve anyway, but for some reason Pinky felt worried.

Being attracted to those who are less fortunate — they also shared it. But this attraction could destroy their relationship.

Always destroyed.

"He will never be good enough for you."

Derby didn't look at her at that moment, he was just saying it, even knowing that all sorts of emotions flickered on the surface of her face distorted by a smile — bitterness, coolness, relief.

"They will never be good for us."

Pinky never denied, he knew her too well, he clearly saw her for what she was, and it made her chest tremble, it was like pain caused by hundred shards of glass. Derby saw her through, but she didn't see him. It was always only her, the little girl from a large mansion in the western part of Bullworth, with a father who married someone only six years her senior. The broken girl, who was crying softly by a large cold mirror in an empty hall on the second floor.

Broken boy and girl, whose lives were predestined long ago.

Having even a drop of Harrington blood is akin to a curse.

Seeking affairs on the side and finding consolation in each other is akin to the right thing.

Pinky was afraid, she thought a lot, she was looking for a catch, but all these doubts faded in front of him: at the glance of his deep hazel eyes, at the touch of his fingers stroking her thin neck, her collarbones and lips, when he whispered so mesmerisingly: they don't deserve you.

Not that guy from the gas station, not the students of Bullworth Academy, not even one of their close rich friends. Rare encounters with Justin and awkward glances with Parker during grammar classes — no, no, no.

It didn't count. Everything was not like that.

And Pinky believed. She was laughing and hugging her cousin, exposing her pale cheeks to the amazing softness of his lips and touches.

She thought: everything will pass, there will be no boys from bad neighbourhood, there will be no cheap girls. Just her and Derby will stay along with their elite world without any dangerous affairs. Only a cool breeze from the sea and the desire to be with those who deserved her. And him.