In Her Sleep

Almost Alien

Layla never thought herself to be the envious type and yet, here she is staring at a picture of a familiar face, feeling a twinge of envy for the position Caleb’s ex held in his life and heart. 
After a very quiet ride from Young Towers, Caleb had led her to a wing in his mansion that Layla would have preferred not knowing it ever existed at all. But aparently, knowing ‘all of him’ had to begin with opening these closed doors to her and introducing her to this beautful smile that had greeted Layla the moment she stepped in the first hallway they encountered.

Her eyes sweep the wall in front of her and that twinge of envy grows with each portrait that she looks at. She tries to fight it. Tries to be that current girlfriend that cares only about the now, but damn Caleb for making it damn near impossible. Him and his heart that apparently loves to infinity when opportunity presents itself. 
That love is written everywhere she looks. The whole wall is like some sanctuary for their beautiful memories, making the small intimate stash of pics she had found tucked away in his closet seem like nothing. Every frame holds that infiniteness as the two stare in each other's eyes or hold hands. In one frame they are goofing around. Must have been somewhere around christmas time as the entire ground is covered in a blanket of snow. Their smiles are priceless. Their happiness is undeniable, almost as if all that christmas cheer bled from the love that was between them. 
Unable to keep away, or maybe drawn in by the magic in the frame, Layla steps closer and traces it, wondering if Caleb is as happy with her as he seems in it. Turns out she’s jealous too.
A step and another and she stops, realizing the sight won’t get any better. It doesn't even matter that the girl is long gone, the sparkle in her eyes…who could ever want to forget that? Caleb clearly hasn’t, seeing that all these memories have remained intact and untouched. 
At that, a tightness forms in her chest and she wishes he could skip this part entirely, but when Caleb opens another door, she follows, knowing facing it is her only option.
On the other side of the door, a large bedroom greets her and so do more portraits.

“I couldn’t bring myself to take them down. Hell, I couldn't bring myself to step through these doors since–"

The pain in his voice feels like someone just reached into Layla’s own chest and squeezed, draining all that envy out and pumping some sense into her. Because she was only thinking of herself, she didn’t stop to think that this might be painful for him. And when he slips his shaky hand in hers, she feels worse, regretting not only her selfishness just now, but all the accustions she threw at him.
“He hasn’t been this person for a long time.” Janice’s words hit her, making her realize how deep rooted his pain actually is if he had chosen to leave everything behind.

“She died.” He declares before she can ask what their story is and Layla feels terrible. She may not have voiced all her earlier thoughts and feelings but it doesn’t change how terrible she feels right now.

“It was an…accident. I wasn’t there. Couldn’t be even if I wanted to.” His grip on her hand tightens, forcing her to look up at him. She meets his eyes and her heart clenches. The overflowing sadness in them, the regret, the million emotions reflecting the pain he is feeling tug at her heart. Had he blamed himself for it? Is that why he couldn’t live with himself…why he left this life altogether?

Placing her hand over his, she squeezes. “It wasn’t your fault.” Even without knowing the details, Layla knows it wasn’t his fault. He loved her.

“But it was. I put her in harm’s way. That bullet was meant for me.”

“Wait, what? Bullet?”

“I’m a terrible person, Layla.” He suddenly jerks away from her, leaving her confused. Terrible person? That can’t be right. 

“What are you talking about?” Because she can’t imagine any world were her Caleb is a terrible person, she pulls him back to herself and pins him with a hard stare. “I understand the pain of losing someone but that doesn’t make you a terrible person even if–”

“You are so sweet, you know that?” He says, but not with that sentimentality she expects. It’s as if he is spelling out how naive she is to the ugliness of the world that surrounds her. 

“Caleb?”

“Maybe that’s what I love about you.” He runs his hand down her face, touching her lightly, a warm thoughtful look on his face. “You see me for the man I want to be…your knight in shining armour. You’ve never expected more than I have given you even when I can give you so much more.”

She could easily get swallowed up in his words, if only that thoughtful look hadn’t turned into one filled with pain. "Please tell me what is going on." She urges him on, realizing she has no clue of what is going on in his head. A stretch of silence is all she gets though, and deciding not to push, she waits, giving him all the time he needs.

"Claire was everything." 

Was. The longing in his voice makes Layla appreciate that little word more than she should.

“I was halfway around the world, chasing what would be the biggest deal I had ever set my sights on, when it happened. Apart from those close to me, no one else knew about my whereabouts, so Claire being my fiancee, the attacker had assumed I was with her that night. It was our little tradition after all, stepping out to enjoy the quietness of the night once everyone was sleeping. Their target was the driver and she happened to be in my seat that day.” He drew in a shaky breath before continuing. “The doctors couldn’t do anything for her, but I could have. God knows I could have, if only they had let me.”

“Let you?” Layla asks, a little confused. “Why wouldn’t they?”

“Because…at the time, I wasn’t Dr. Young yet.”

“Oh?”

“I had chosen revenge instead of graduating. I had chosen this life and ultimately signed Claire’s death sentence.” Bitterness drips from every single word that leaves his mouth and Layla can only stare at this side of him. He seems almost alien from his usual smiling and charming self.
“Growing up, being a doctor was never in the cards, but when my mother started waking up with bruises and cuts, the need to fix her up each time, slowly steered me in that direction.”

“Bruises and cuts? Was she being abused?”

“By my own father.” His tone suddenly turns cold, understandably. “She tried to hide it most times, but I would always know and would fix her up the best I could. She refused to leave him and I thought Med school was what I needed. To help her whenever she needed me. Final year of Med school would be the moment I realized how foolish that decision was. I found her in a pool of blood and I knew then that being a doctor was never going to be enough protection. And as fate would have it, while out drinking that night, gathering up all my courage to face that bastard once and for all, I met someone who showed me how to really protect those I loved. That night would be the last night I ever saw my father alive and the moment Caleb Young, King M, was born. Of course I should have known that that didn’t make me God.” He suddenly turns to her, regret flooding his face. “I should have known that I couldn’t save them all, couldn’t save Claire. I couldn’t be who she needed when it mattered the most. The man I had become failed her, failed me. For a long time I couldn’t face myself, so I dropped everything and decided I would be that man that mattered. So I went to back to Med school, graduated and got to saving lives.” He ends on a sigh, sounding almost content.

"But now you are back, why?" He'd worked hard at picking himself up and starting afresh after the tragedy, so she does not get why he suddenly changed his mind. Why he chose to be this person he considered to be terrible.

"Isn't it obvious?" His tone softens in a heart beat and cupping her cheeks, he smiles for the first time since they walked into the mansion. "For you. I wanted you from the moment I took your hand in the E.R. And when Simon showed up, it sealed everything. I knew I had to protect you and I knew it would just be a matter of time before I had to face my past. Because while I could stitch you back as your doctor if he ever hurt you, I could never really protect you. But Caleb Young could without a doubt keep you safe."

So it's my fault? Instead of happiness over his reasons, regret barrels into her, making her curse her own accident for the first time. She'd changed his life. Her and her stupid choices have shattered the perfect life he had rebuilt for himself and plunged him right back into this hell hole that is filled with nothing but pain for him. How is she supposed to live with that now?