Writing Dreams

Writing your own Life Story

I was born maybe without ambition and maybe I have talents and abilities.

I am living my life just going with the flow and just letting fate handle things for me.

I usually just wait for things to work out.

I sit down for hours and hours.
I lay down for hours and hours.

Nothing happened.

I did nothing.

I did not have ambition.

I have worked to gain finance for my necessities and wants but I lacked the desire or need to be rich or powerful.

What do I want in life? Am I just wanting what I want just because I envy what others have?

But in my case I do not envy.

Someone said envy will make you realize what you really want in life. But maybe he is wrong.

Envy can be a driving force for some people whose hearts have no other desire but to be better than anyone else.

Also, maybe some people are feeling they are lacking, in need and think they have nothing that they feel envious whenever they see some people who have something. We can not blame them for feeling jealous. But we know envy is stronger and more vicious than jealousy.

I, myself, would want to become someone.

But that someone I have never really visualized yet. I was not specific enough to push my self towards reaching ambitions and be that someone.

I have hopes and dreams.

But all my heart wanted was to live a peaceful life, have peaceful environment and be away from any crime or violence.

I did not have any timeline.

I was the type who does not usually look ahead.

Some people would say, they want to finish this specific degree, get this dream job, work, have this house, marry, have children this many, retire at the this specific age, have a business and be successful.

In other words, I had no success plan.

I just went about my day, day in and day out, just trying to get through my days.

The good thing about it is I do not feel frustrated.

But when the thoughts about me needing to be someone kicked in, I felt like it is already late.

I am unmotivated.

I was not born this way but maybe I allowed my self to be this person.

I lived a life in which I am only a character of it and not writing my own life story and be the person that I wanted to be.

It seems like I have been programmed to be like this. But it was a mistake to feel this way.

I could be someone if I would try and strive hard.

But what is the purpose of all this? Why would I want to be "someone"?

I am already comfortable being the ordinary and having the typical, simple life.

Do not get me wrong, my environment did not fully influenced me to be like this. It seemed like I chose this for some reasons I do not understand.

I lack the need for self fulfilment which made me question my self if I am still human.

I realized I wanted to be just someone who is a good person, a good daughter to my parents, a good citizen of my country, a simple person who would someday get married, maybe have children or not, or maybe just live a peaceful solitary life.

I accepted that I am a follower and not a leader. Maybe I am wrong.

But if I may lead, what should I be leading? If I become a manager, what should I be managing?

I seem to want to become just a typical housewife and I will learn how to cook.

I want to live life because I want to live, a peaceful life, without complications and having everything I need.

I may not have everything I want but what matters most to me is I have the things I need.

I do not want to be loved or admired by others just to feel like I wanted to live.

I know I am alive and it is all that matters.

But it was not really the best thing in life.

I feel unmotivated.

I am writing all this just to make known or make you realize that you should have your own story.

Start your life with having ambitions and actions. Not just ambitions for the sake of having some.

Start your day with visualisations of what you would do in that day and try to achieve it.

Know what you want and not want what others want for you.

Write your own story.

Be the person you want to become.