The Purging of Asgard

Chapter 14

You get shooed away from the scene by the policeman, trying to ensure nothing gets contaminated.

"I suggest we relocate before the back up arrives," the Collector— no, Balder says. He leads you and Loki through an alley nearby to the next street over, then across the street to another alley. After zigging and zagging for a few blocks, all three of you keeping your ears open for Hela, he opens the back door of an apartment building. 

"14th floor. I'm afraid we have a bit of climbing to do." 

You are winded by the time you make it to his apartment, which is far nicer than your own. You're not sure why that surprises you.

"You said you would explain. So what do you know?" Loki says, hardly having broken a sweat on the hike up the stairs,

"For goodness sake, Loki, give him a moment..." Though Balder seems to be in even better shape than Loki, "or at least give me a moment." 

You brace yourself against the wall. Strain from the thirteen flights of stairs aside, you were still reeling from everything that had happened in the last two hours. 

You are Lady Sigyn. Princess of Asgard.

You were in Asgard for the Purging.

Your husband, Loki, is alive.

You are alive.

How are you alive?

Why are you alive?

You keep expecting to wake up, thinking this is just another dream or another hallucination. You remember your childhood... Don't you? It was hard to forget all of the foster homes, from the fairytales you had wished would last, to the nightmarish years of dodging your lecherous foster father or tiptoeing around the touchy, controlling devil known as your foster-mom. All the years you spent at school, the friends you never managed to keep. 

"Fabricated memories." Balder says, he's been watching you, seeing you try to make sense of everything. "It has been a generation in Asgard since The Purging. Following your death, you were taken to Hel instead of Valhalla." You remember.

"A trade." You say, sorting everything out loud. You look at your husband, he meets your gaze, incredulous.

"You tried to trade for me?" You nod,

"I couldn't bear the thought of her taking you to that place. You being tortured like that for eternity. I had to."

"But—"

"Then, somehow, you broke free." Balder cuts Loki off, "do you remember how?" 

You think. You really try to remember, but after this afternoon, you can't quite tell what's real and what's a dream. Or were all of your dreams real? Just memories trying to come through. Does that mean that your reality has been a dream?

Finally you shake your head,

"I'm sorry. I don't remember." A door opens down the hall,

"Balder? the All-Father said he heard you come in—" 

"Lady Sif!" You immediately recognize her, but she stops short, not even acknowledging you, she stares, frightened, at Loki. You look at him, his eyes burning with anger. He launches at her, pinning her to the wall before any of you can react,

"You traitor!" He screams at her, "where is he?" Balder pulls him away from Sif, holding him back,

"Loki! What has gotten into you?" You yell,

"You will not lay a finger on him." Sif spits out, "He is the rightful king, and Thor after him. You have usurped a throne to which you have no claim! You, Loki Laufeyson, are the traitor!"

This makes you pause, "Laufeyson? Traitor?" 

"A generation is a long time. You have missed much, Lady Sigyn." Balder says.

"In the years following the purging, Loki seemed a valuable, honorable ally. That is, until Thor's coronation. After leading a half dozen Jotuns into the weapons vault, he proceeded to sow discord and chaos, culminating in the near assassination of his own brother." Sif proceeds to fill you in on the events that followed his havoc in Asgard, and at the same time you slowly you remember everything before the Purging.

She tells you of Loki discovering his ancestry, you suddenly remember your wedding day; she tells of the attack on Jotunheim, you remember the blade in your stomach. Then there was the incident in New York followed by his incarceration in the dungeons of Asgard. You remember Hel, the screams of tormented souls, the constant excruciating pain, the emptiness and loneliness and suffocating heartbreak.

You remember now. You fought her. She had taken him. 

She still has him.

"We all thought you dead." Sif says to Loki, bringing your focus back, "Thor told us you died nobly. Honorably. But it was yet another trick." 

You can't even look at Loki now. What happened to him? He was always mischievous; it was in his nature, but this...

"Why, Loki?" You ask quietly, fearing the response.

He takes so long to answer you begin to wonder if he will.

"I had nothing left to lose, so I tried to take what I wanted... It was never enough."

You try not to think about the lives lost. The cold loneliness and desperation. The change that would have had to have taken place in him for that sort of betrayal.

A tear falls, against your wishes.

You turn on Loki, slapping him. 

"You were meant to go on!" You scream at him, "That was the whole point! You get to live on! You go on and create new memories, go on and love again. Go on and remember! That was the point!" You cry freely, finally forcing yourself to look into his eyes.

"I couldn't." He whispers, a small tear escapes his control, rolling down his cheek, "There was nothing left for me to live for."

You turn down the hall in a huff, you can't even look at him right now. Everything you did was worthless if this is how he lived now. You close yourself into the first room you could find.

"Lady Sigyn." You spin around,

"All-Father."