Chapter 1

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For J,

Thank you.









         The school came into Aysah's view. She sat in the passenger seat, scrolling mindlessly through her phone, trying to distract herself from the burning sensation in her chest. She looked at old high school pics of past friends that she hadn't seen in a while. Things hadn't been the same since she'd graduated from high school. She hadn't hung out with anyone in weeks; she'd been so focused on her homework that she barely bothered to reply to texts. It was becoming a problem because the more she ignored the texts, the less frequently they came through.
    Aysah's mom was in the driver's seat, quickly navigating the winding roads. Aysah starred through the windshield as the intense burning in her chest blossomed. She tried to breathe in deeply and exhale deeply, just as Shanna, her counselor, had taught her. The breathing didn't work, so it was on to option number two. She put her earbuds in and started playing her "Relaxation" playlist.
     The campus was looming before her. Almost there... She thought to herself. First day of school. I hope I meet somebody and maybe make a few new friends. Someone to share notes or study with would be nice. She silently prayed that college wouldn't be a repeat of her high school experience, a furious race to the top of the class, leaving her a depressed mess with a fear of failure. This year would be different. She wouldn't obsess over grades to the point where even 5 points off meant she was stupid. "I'm human, not a robot," she mentally repeated the phrase.
    She'd talked about it with Shanna. "We can't be perfect at everything because we are human," Aysah thought as she recalled her words. The semester would be fine because Aysah was determined to make it so.
    Aysah's mom pulled up in front of the school, and Aysah gathered her things, her backpack, jacket, and umbrella.
"Thanks, Mom," she said as she opened the door. "Can you pick me up at 6:00?"
"Ok," Her mom replied. "Come out on time, ok? I don't want to be waiting around like last time. Oh, don't forget this." She handed Aysah the lunchbox that had fallen into the backseat. "I put some extra fruit in there, and some of those granola bars you like."
          "Thanks. See you later. Love you," Aysah replied.
          "Bye Acey, Love you. Have a good first day. It will all be fine. Text me if you need to talk"
           Aysah nodded and closed the car door then her mom drove off. Aysah sighed. She was a little bit embarrassed at the fact that her mom had to drive her to school because she failed her driver's test twice, and at the fact that her mom frequently made her lunches when Aysah was too stressed or down to do so herself.
          Since she was a freshman in college now; she felt like she should be doing these things by herself. But, it all seemed like an unachievable challenge to her. All of the little tasks she had to do each day, set her alarm, make lunch, make breakfast, make her bed, clean her room,    do her chores, laundry, etc. It all felt like it compounded into a ball of stress that if she continued to hold onto it, it would break her.
          She pushed these thoughts out of her head and stared at the sign above the double doors "Grove County College". Students were filing in and out of the building, some alone and some in small groups chatting. Some sat on the benches or the ground, and others stood around waiting for rides.
          Aysah walked towards the building and opened the front door, leading to the atrium. The atrium was huge, much bigger than her previous school, Taylor High School. There were welcoming committees greeting students and handing out maps. Tables decorated in orange and white, the school colors, were covered with Grove College shirts, jackets, hats, pins, and water bottles. Each item had the school mascot on it, a groundhog.
         Each table had a sign attached to it reading "Welcome to Grove College" in sparkly orange letters. Aysah smiled a little and walked up to one of the tables to ask for directions.
"Hello," she said to the blonde woman manning the table. The women looked to be about 20 or 21. She was wearing one of the Grove College shirts and was smiling brightly.       
         "I'm looking for..." Aysah looked down at her schedule. First class of the day was Speech then she had ASL 1, then Algebra for College students. Speech was room C 220. "Room C220"
         The woman smiled, "I'm actually heading there right now for class since my volunteer shift is done. I'll show you." The woman grabbed her backpack from under the table and motioned for Aysah to follow her. C220 was a medium-sized room, about the same as a regular high school classroom. The teacher was setting up a PowerPoint on the projector. Professor Rinds. Not Mrs. Rinds. Aysah thought.
         There were 25 students in the class, including Aysah and the blonde women. The classroom had several desks set out in three rows with two to three rolling chairs behind each one. The two women sat down at the same table. As Aysah set her bag down, she took a deep breath and mentally rehearsed what she wanted to say. I'm Aysah. I'm a freshman. What's your name?   "Hey, thanks for showing me the classroom. I'm Aysah. What's your name?"
        "Charlotte. I'm a sophomore. You're a freshman?"
         "Yeah, it's my first day."
         "Ok, cool. What do you study?"
        "I'm in the sign language interpreting program."
          The blonde woman raised her eyebrows, "Wow! I've heard from a few of my friends that that program is tough!"
          "Yeah, I've heard the same thing! But, I'm really into learning languages, so hopefully, it will be a little bit fun even if it's hard. What about you? What are you doing?"
         "Nursing."
         "Wow, that's awesome! I heard that's tough too!"
          "Yeah, it's been rough, but I'm still enjoying it. I think my goal is to be a labor and delivery nurse."
           Aysah smiled, and before she could reply, the Professor began to speak.



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