Ripped and Stitched

45: Scars

Four years later...

Alison stood in front of the mirror. Her therapist had suggested she do it. She needed to see the scars.

Alison was terrified at first, but slowly she dropped her towel and stared.

Scars ran up and down her body. Electrocution left a toll on her. She could make out faint lines. If she ran her finger over them she could feel the jagged torn skin that would never fully disappear.

A permanent reminder of all she had been through.

Then there were the other scars too. The ones that you couldn't see. The ones Alison needed to come to terms with.

Her father. Her mother. Her step-mother. Her step-sister. Her half-sister. Max. Julia. Brady. Hailey.

Leonard Alkins may have physically damaged her but all those other people had changed her too. For better or for worse.

Alison let her fingers continue to roam over her scars. It was a hard thing to accept. That she was damaged. That things would never quite be the same.

She had to learn to let things go. Like Max. Her childhood crush turned first love. Saying goodbye and closing that chapter of her life was the hardest thing she had ever done.

Countless nights she had spent on the phone with Julia, both reminiscing and crying. Slowly, the pain lessened, or rather she learned to feel more positively until the happiness overtook the discomfort.

Even four years after breaking up with Max, not a day went by where she didn't think about him.

The way he smelled, his effortless charming smile, his hair that he deliberately messed up. The way he listened to her when no one else did. The way he loved her.

She tried dating of course, but she couldn't seem to get it just right. Every boy failed to reach the level of perfection she saw in her relationship with Max. Her first love. Her only love.

Now after four years she was seeing him again. At Julia's wedding. No not to Brady. Much to Alison's surprise.

Julia fell in love with someone else. Some boy she met by accident in the subway. It was apparently some crazy story she couldn't quite go into details about. All Alison knew was that Julia was happy.

Brady of course was happy for her as well. He had his own whirlwind of awkward dates but he finally seemed to find a girl who made him happy as well.

Alison had only met her once but apparently they had gone to high school together and she and Brady had been friends for a while. Brady had spent two years traveling and seeing the world, occasionally sending a postcard Alison's way when he could. After returning home, Brady found the thing he wanted to do.

He wanted to be a writer. With Alison's permission, Brady wrote about what happened to them. Alongside some community college classes of course, but in his own time, Brady found his way. Now he was transferring to Yale in the fall. Where his girlfriend would be.

Things had turned up for both Brady and Julia. Alison only knew that because she kept up with them. The one person she was curious about, Alison couldn't keep up with it. She wanted to. Alison thought about it all the time. She wanted to call or write and ask him how things were. However she knew how much it would hurt both of them.

Isa had been sworn to secrecy but Alison often visited her when she knew with certainty that no one else was home. The last thing she wanted was for her ex to know she was spending time with his little sister.

"How is he?" Alison has once asked casually as she and Isa ate their ice cream together.

Isa smirked. "He's good," she said. "But you want to ask something else, don't you?"

Alison rolled her eyes. "You're crazy."

Isa giggled. "He's not seeing anyone. Don't worry."

"I wasn't," Alison protested with red cheeks. "But he is happy, right?"

Isa nodded. "He loves his classes, he's really happy."

Alison smiled. "Good."

"What about you?"

That innocent question had thrown Alison off for days. Was she happy? It was hard to tell.

Some days she woke up and life felt... perfect.

She went to college far enough away where she could get away from her hometown but close enough where she could see her dad, and his family.

Things had changed since Alison moved out. She found that a relationship with her dad and step family was somewhat possible. She kept her distance of course and made it clear to Gabriella that one eccentric mother was enough, but they were all somehow okay with each other now.

But she still had her bad days. Nights where she couldn't sleep, awkward conversations with new people who had yet to hear why her body was so scarred. It could take away her happiness just like that.

She was working on recognizing the importance of good and bad. We needed both. The good to take us away from the bad. And the bad to remind just how good the good really is.

So yes, Alison was okay. She was healing. But could she say she was fully healed? She wasn't sure.

How could she?

Somehow Julia and Brady had broken up and fallen in love with other people. They remained cordial and things seemed to be getting better for everyone around. Julia was even getting married today.

But could Alison just move on like that? She wasn't so sure.

Alison focused back on the reflection in the mirror. She put her dress on and began putting on her makeup.

"Won't it be embarrassing?" Alison had asked shyly when Julia showed her the maid of honor dress. "I mean everyone's just going to stare at my arms and legs in such a short dress. Maybe I should wear something else."

Julia put her hands on Alison's shoulders. "Look at me, Ali. There is not a thing on your body that you should be ashamed of, do you get that?"

As Alison finished getting ready, the words started to sink in. There was nothing to be embarrassed about. Her past was her story. A tale that made her strong.

When Alison got to the church, she busied herself with the usual maid of honor tasks. Trying desperately to not think about a certain boy who may or may not be on the guest list.

It was only when she was alone in the bride room setting up the flowers when she heard the door open behind her.

Her back was facing the door, but still in the mirror she could see who it was, their eyes met.

"Hi, Ali."

After four years, she could still recognize that loving voice. She could still melt at that charming smile.

Here was her make or break moment, could she finally heal those scars? Could she finally put things to rest and move forward. It was now or never. Would Alison finally be able to accept the love she knows deep down she was deserving of? Would she finally be able to open up and love him back?

Slowly, she began to smile, nervously but excitedly too.

"Hi, Max."