a dark night

chapter 9 his pov

i drove emily home in silence. i had finally shut her up. i swear mouth could run like a fountain when she was drunk and i knew i had to draw the line somewhere, she was just  talking nonsense.

i felt the tiniest but guilty for snapping at her so aggressively, but she just angered me so much sometimes, even when she wasn't talking.she just created havoc every time she was around, inside and out the body.

as Emily sulked, i turned up the radio a little not wanting to sit her in such an awkward silence.

i turned to look at her, to see if she was okay. i mentally scolded myself foe even thinking that, of course she was okay i didn't even need to worry.

but then she could have been a little upset after what happened tonight, and i didn't want her to feel that way. did i? no.

that dick head nearly had his hands all over her body and even the thought of it literally repulsed me. i wanted to smash his face in, i wanted... i didn't know what i wanted. i was a fucking mess since Emily walked into my life literally just a few weeks ago.

one minute i was telling myself i didn't care whether she went out or not, and then the next i was out side of the club waiting for her. what the fuck is this? i wasn't her boyfriend and i knew i never was going to be, i didn't need that kind of shit in my life.

even if Emily was the most beautiful girl i knew, she was so attractive and her eyes just blew me away....and there we go again, man up xavier for fuck sake, you don't do hearts and flowers, i bet you don't even know what they look like,you don't do romance and that kind of shit.

i shook my head to rid all thoughts as i pulled up into the parking lot.Emily was a little drunk, so i helped out of the car and to the entrance of the apartment buildings.

"xavier?" oh here we go again.

"yes,Emily?"

"why are you so angry all of the time?" she asked. i closed my eyes briefly and then opened then i saw her look at me. i couldn't resist those eyes, but i had to.

"because i want to be," i proceeded to drag her through the halls until we were by her door. "where are your keys?" i asked her. she dug through her bag and flug them infrount of my face. i took them and opened the door wide.

i then dragged her to her bed. i didn't need to unchange her, i just laid her into the bed and she didn't complain. i pulled the blanket over her little body and stood straighter.

i was baffled by how much i had already done for her. i hadn't looked after anybody since my little sister, and that was almost so long ago now.

i looked at her angelic face as she closed her eyes and drifted off without another word. she was better when she didn't talk, and i didn't feel so vulnerable.

i logged my hands in to my hair and let out an agitated breath. i just couldn't believe what was happening at all. it didn't seem like much,but ti me it was huge, did i care for her? why? I've always liked being alone ,but with emily however hard i tried i couldn't seem to deny the fact that maybe i wanted her company. i didn't know what i wanted.

i walked back to the door and looked at her one last time, but when i saw her again, i din't want to leave her. my heart and my brain were both pulling me back towards her. i wanted to stay,just to make sure she was okay.

i walked back into the room and took off my shoes ans socks. there was nowhere to sleep so i decided to lay on the floor. i didn't have a blanket and i wasn't going to take emily's so i closed my eyes. i wasn't cold anyway.

"hey, xavier?" her voice came out, i jumped at the voice tinking she was asleep. i hummed my reply.

"i felt you looking at me," i gulped at her statement but i knew she was a little dunk and maybe wouldn't remember tomorrow.

"yeah," i croaked out. i was nervous around her, and i didn't mean to be, i always said the wrong things when i was with her anyway, i always snapped at her, yet she still wanted to talk to me. it was a first.

"don't worry, i look at you sometimes too," she slurred. i couldn't take it anymore and i needed her to stop talking

"go to sleep,"

"but it's true, you're very good looking," she was definitely drunk and i didn't want her telling me these things.

"go to sleep, emily" i demanded as my eyes were still closed.

"and i think you have a nice heart under all of that red hot anger and frustration, and i think you just need someone to see through it and i see through it, xavier," i couldn't take it, i really couldn't.

my heart flipped. she was fucking amazing, i knew that. she had to be to say something like that, but i felt so vulnerable. i couldn't let her do that.

"go to fucking sleep," i hissed through clenched teeth. she didn't reply for a while.

"i'm sorry," a little voice came flooding into my ears and my heart softened. i was a dick to her and she still wanted to be my friend and talk to me. i was the biggest dickhead alive. "i din't mean to make you mad, again," i didn't know what to say to that.

i laid there in the dark, my back almost breaking against the thin carpet.

"no, i'm sorry," i was surpised by my apology. but she wouldn't remember, and i guess i was sorry, deep inside i was sorry for being a dick when she just wanted to get to know me. bit i couldn't help it, i wanted to protect my self.

"you've never apologised to be before,xav," breathed, the shortness of my name made me almost melt on the spot.

my dad never made me into a softies, he told me that i should never let my guard down, that woman were puzzles where the pieces would judt never fit, he said they were not meant for this world, they should only be used for treating us like men real men, but we didn't need to treat then like the women they were. i suppose he hated women, but he never was gay. that's before he was killed.

the thought repulses me ans as red hot anger courses through my veins, i try to calm down.

"i know," is all i can let out, the thought of my father always makes me this way. i just wanted to punch something, i wanted to let out my anger. i just wanted to kill my father and my mother. fortunately, my father was already dead.

fucking idiot took it the easy way, i didn't want to be anything like him, but i was afraid i was.

"no," her voice stopped my thinking and my heart sank. did she hear all of that? did i speak it out loud? oh fuck. "Xavier doesn't say sorry," i sighed a breath of relief. " is that even Xavier?" mu lips twitched and i gave in to the temptation of smiling.

"yes it's me," i said through my smile. my thoughts were away from my father and i felt a little happy. i hadn't felt happy for so long.

"i'm really hoping it is," she replied.

"you're in luck,ems," ems? where did that come from? i nicknamed her already?

things were getting weirder and weirder for me, but did i like it? it was a little balanced i guess. it was refreshing, but this girl was surely doing things to me without even trying. it was bittersweet and my mouth twisted at the thought.

"aw" she breathed and i could almost her her smiling." i like that," 

"well, that's good," i finalized. "go to sleep" i let out softly this time.

"okay," she whispered. "good night, xav,"

"good night ems," and i got up to give her a lingering kiss on her forehead. she smiled as she closed her eyes.

i laid back down and thought about tonight. this wasn't me, hell i was acting somewhat as a gentleman. but i just couldn't help the temptation, and i could still feel her skin on my lips, i just now wish i could kiss her properly.